Sound Discourse

Do I Have An Expiration Date?

2012-01-12T01:09:00.000-05:00

It's easy to become consumed with your work in this town; After all, it is the cultural norm. Inevitably though, once we finally slow down and have time to think about ourselves we have a slight inclination to panic about the status of our personal lives. I don't care if you are legitimately single or in a four year long committed relationship, we can't help but panic. It's a biological question of the utmost urgency, "Will I find someone to grow old with or am I going to be alone?" We take a gamble with every relationship we enter into, with every day we stay single, and with every person we turn down at the bar.

From my experience speaking with other DC ladies we have a difficult time feeling satisfied and because of that "something better will come along" complex there is no rush to commit... in fact I've noticed it's the opposite. Woman are testing the water with many different guys and pushing anyone away who gives off a monogamous vibe. By that I mean, these poor nice guys are getting the boot for being viewed as wife hunting. Chivalry goes a long way, but I can't tell you how many times I've heard the phrase, "He's just too nice. I'm not attracted to that". It's no surprise to me that this city is filled with two different groups of women as a result: the 28 and under crowd with nothing to lose, and the 28 and over crowd looking to partner up after a decade of dating around.

There's that question of timing. How long is it acceptable to be single? Why does 28 seem to be the arbitrary deadline we give ourselves to be married or at least in a relationship with the man we hope to be our husband? Is there an expiration date on how attractive a candidate we are to men? When do we start worrying about fighting for attention with the next influx of younger, peppy women to the city?

The dynamic is really funny to me, because I've had to sit and console crying girlfriends in their early twenties and reassure them that they won't be alone forever after a fling with a douche bag blows up. All the while, they complain the instant some nice guy they've been seeing inquires about calling her his girlfriend. It's an interesting game we play and it's bound to come full circle sooner or later. We all have the hot streak 21-27, the freak out at 28, then the scramble after that. Before we know it, we'll be married in our thirties and ready to attack the 20 year old bimbo flirting with our husband (even though we did the same thing in our hay day).

Call it a right of passage, but we should do a better job at internalizing these flaws in judgement. Instead of giving that nice guy the run around and only using him for free dinners on the week between pay checks, perhaps you should be honest about your intentions. Who knows maybe you'll leave the window open for a future relationship with him when you really want it to count and he starts to look like everything you want. No one wants to be in a position when you find yourself wondering what could have been. Don't burn bridges and run around playing with men's hearts. Guy code is strong in this city and they do talk about you. Your reputation will follow you to work and down the aisle. Don't forget that. No respectable businessman or politician will associate himself with a woman with a sketchy past.

On the other hand, we are foolish to think the men of this town aren't aware of the intricacies surrounding our dating preferences. It's no wonder there are so many jerks out there, they adapted to the atmosphere we created. It's a simple story of supply and demand. Don't hate the player, hate the game.

We operate in a city where appearances are everything. Every day is an opportunity to define the future we all came here to secure. The only person that can hinder your success is you. Make no mistake there is no separation between our careers and our personal lives. Be smart. We don't have an expiration date, but we can spoil.

Pretty In Politics: A Blog About Our Special Interests

2012-01-09T14:01:00.001-05:00

I spent the weekend searching the interwebs for any sign of a local DC blogger that wrote with a yopro female audience in mind... I found none. I did find plenty of juicy sites left abandon in the graveyards of the Blogosphere - what a shame! I guess it's to be expected, the savvy single girl in this city is bound to get snatched up sooner or later. Since there seems to be a void I will do my best to continue the dialog into 2012.

With my roommates and gal pals as wing-women the material I can turn out in a week should be enough to write a short novel. I'm not kidding myself, none of this is possible without their inspiration... and of course the occasional gaffes that fall into my lap from a handful of Washington's best and brightest.

The week ahead should yield plenty of witty bar banter, men trouble and campaign rhetoric. See you on the other side of the New Hampshire primary!

Dating Purgatory

2012-01-06T17:00:00.001-05:00

I know many friends who would consider themselves in "dating purgatory": A place or state of suffering inhibited by the souls of women who are expiating their past relationship failures by overcompensating in their current role as lady friend in the hopes of going on to a recognizable and more socially accepted relationship. For some this could be as simple as an agreement to become girlfriend-boyfriend, being 'Facebook Official', or for the long term-ers a ring (preferably on her left hand's ring finger).

If you are in dating purgatory no doubt you've asked yourself all of these questions: Are we friends with benefits? Is he seeing anyone else? Does he really like me? How do I introduce him in social situations? Is he purposefully avoiding DTR? Am I avoiding it? Is this a game? How do I bring it up to him? Should I bring it up to him? Am I over thinking this? ...Yes.

Are you single and anxious? Trying desperately to find a man or define a relationship you are already in? One piece of advice: Don't be stupid. I know I'm not surrounded by stupid girls, but the consensus out there leads me to believe otherwise. There happens to be a science behind this and it's super easy, allow me to elaborate: If a man wants you in his life he'll do everything possible to get / keep you there. Don't play games, just be genuine. If someone is really into you they'll tend to mirror your demeanor. So before you go analyzing their every move, you should be aware of the signals you are emitting first. If there is no connection, he will bail. If you scare him, he will run away from you. If you come on too strong, he'll assume you are desperate and will use that to his advantage. Never throw yourself on anyone! If you don't respect yourself he never will. Most importantly don't force a relationship because you think it's convenient, or because you'd rather be dating someone than be single.

Not too long ago I spoke with an older woman in her 80's. She was curious about my job, boyfriend, future - all that jazz. She gave me the best advice about relationships I had ever heard. She asked me if I was going to settle down and get married since I had graduated from college and been together with the same guy for years. I laughed it off and said something to the affect of wanting to wait a couple more years before I go down that road. She delivered the most perfect comeback that I will never forget until the day I die, "You need to shit or get off the pot". She knocked the wind out of me and all I could muster up in a blushed tone was, "What"? "You need to shit or get off the pot. What are you waiting for"? Out of this entire exchange I still can't remember what I said, but I do know what I took away from that conversation: You can't be afraid to cut your losses and you can't be afraid to dive in head first. I will not live my life sitting on the crapper.

Point being: If you like someone tell them, if it blows up in your face then it wasn't meant to be. There are 7 trillion people on this planet - to think you're destine to be alone is by far the silliest thought imaginable. Too often do I hear fantastic women cutting themselves down, it perplexes me! I don't care how hot, smart, successful, or rich some guy is because you have just as much to offer in a partnership. If you lose that balance, if you put him or yourself on a higher platform your relationship is destine to fail.

So now ask yourself: Is this guy a good fit for me? Does he respect me? Do I respect him? Is it always fun when we're together? If the answer is yes, then just be honest in moving forward. If you answer no to any of the questions above (or if you're unsure) I'd advice you to get off the pot. Time is something you can't get back.

Happy hunting ladies!

Good Food and Good Sex

2011-12-01T01:34:00.003-05:00

It would seem that it's near impossible to find common ground between married life and single life. As a single life aficionado that aspires one day to settle down I feel like it's my duty to bridge the gap between these two feuding factions the modern woman grapples with. Does it not seem like you have to pick sides?

If you're single you mock your married counterparts as quitters. Likewise, if you're married you shake your head in a disapproving manor as if the debauchery of promiscuity overwhelms your senses. Pretty sure these extremes are both ridiculous and stupid so let's not let our womanly hormones and high tempers run the show.

For the record this posting was completely inspired by this lady's article in the National Review: Suzanne Venkor "Why Marriage Eludes the Modern Woman". I admit I enjoyed the article until about 3 paragraphs in when I felt the sharp dagger of judgement slash through me:

Simply put, married life presupposes a maturity modern women don’t have.

Hold the presses! My first thought was to yell out, "What evs I could tots could be married right now if I wanted to"! But you know what, I'm not for a multitude of reasons and none of which have anything to do with anyone other than me so Ms. Venkor has a point - but her conclusion is a half truth. Simply put - I'm astutely aware of the maturity involved in deciding to spend the rest of your life with one person. I also know myself well enough to conclude I'm not ready for that kind of commitment. I don't think that warrants a label quite so harsh. Ah but she goes on to say:

We’ve been hearing a lot lately about young men who fail to grow up and become

good family men, but video games are not the culprit — women are. Men tend to

follow women’s lead — and it is women, not men, who fight Mother Nature.

Classic - now I'm a disgrace to the natural order of things. It get's better:

Indeed, feminists assure women they can’t possibly be happily married until men

change who they are or adapt their nature to accommodate the needs of women.

The needs of women? How exactly would you describe the difference between what's in a man's nature that I would change to be happily married?

“There are two ingredients to a healthy marriage: good food and good sex.”

She makes a point, I despise both.

Naturally, this philosophy will raise the ire of the most strident modern

woman who’s been taught to believe that cooking for a husband or

saying yes to sex amounts to indentured servitude.

I'll let Britney take this one.

They refuse to even accept that men have a greater sex drive than

women. In failing to understand the differences between men and

women,women have sabotaged their own happiness.

I feel like that's a battle all couples should take out in the bedroom - guarantee there's a happy ending.

As for the men, they aren’t so much choosing to be

immature as they are doing what they’re told. Tell a

man he’s dispensable, and he’ll quickly prove you right.

So let me get this straight - while the modern woman is immature and fighting natural inclinations at her own choosing her male counterparts are just helpless by design and along for the ride? I smell a fish.

Personally, this article gives the impression that men are all stupid and modern woman are all power hungry bitches. I have a bit more faith in the dating pool than that. And since when did modern become a substitute for single like it's an alternative lifestyle? "Are you married?" "No, I'm mod."

Marriage is a serious decision that should be respected and honored. It's a full time job. However, it's appalling that by making the choice to wait you get branded as unnatural and immature as opposed to - oh I don't know - responsible or reasonable? Not all feminists are out to "sabotage" the institution of marriage. Maybe some of us want to go into a life long union debt free, educated, experienced, financially stable, and yes mature. It's kind of hard to work on being a better you if your responsibilities now include an extra head. And let's not forget you can't use a cookie cutter formula to diagnosis a segment of the population you see as "different" de facto "unnatural". That my friends is road to no where.

So let's move forward with mutual respect and admiration for one another's gift of choice in the matter. Freedom is a beautiful thing! And I think it's safe to assume that it's okay to pursue a healthy mod lifestyle especially since the last time I checked you do not need a government issued license to enjoy good food or good sex. Meh technicalities. You can't fight Mother Nature.

Honey Badger

2011-11-06T23:29:00.000-05:00

Politics is personal. Sure it's business, but it's an extension of yourself. Little Miss Optimist over here has had a 'coming of age' experience in the past *err* week. Now it's not as if I wasn't aware of my surroundings, I was more ignorant by choice. Cue Honey Badger: That's me y'all...

Well ladies and gentlemen, we are not in Kansas anymore. I'm actually not sure how to write what's to follow without this coming off wrong. So I'm going to let the drinks do all the talking from here. I have always played fair, always waited my turn in line, respected my elders, and been an honest voice in a dishonest world. I have absolutely no regrets, I have made the safe choices my entire life. Some of you may read that and laugh, but trust me I have always been conservative and I am not a risk adverse person. I love a good challenge and finally I have an opportunity to run with it.

I am twenty two years young with no obligations other than rent and student loans. I am unattached, have no commitments, and it's really hard not to smile after typing that - Actually, it's impossible. I'm quite ridiculous actually because every week I come up with a new brilliant plan of attack for what I'm going to do the rest of my life. It's hard to choose, don't judge - just go with it. If I had my way, I'd live forever so I could do everything I ever wanted to do ('cause that's how long I'm going to need). By a miracle chance if I'm a lucky SOB that makes it to 100 I'd still want more. I was telling my friend Joe today, "I'm an instant gratification kind of girl," I hate waiting and I want it all. What can I say I'm a Republican? JK... not really.

People are too apologetic these days. Why they act like their actions surprise them is beyond me. I don't believe them and I can't take them seriously. Every move is absolutely intentional - anyone who tells you differently is lying to you. When's the last time you did something without thinking it through? Touching fire will burn you and saying yes to every 'I love you' you get will leave you a cynic. Be smart people.

Lately I've been accused of being heartless - which only makes me more smug - Thank you for giving me the satisfaction of that lovies. I talk a lot of smack, sure, but I'm the honey badger - I don't care. If being the rational one fills my veins with ice cold blood shhhietttt. Haters gonna hate. The way I see it, people need you in your life a) To love or b) To hate. Either way they need me around and I can't disappoint my public!

I don't play games, my time is money. I fight for what I want until I get it. I don't shy away. I don't mislead. And I absolutely don't tolerate bull shit. I am the honey badger.

Total Irrelevancy & Snark

2011-10-16T20:45:00.001-04:00

What's one thing we are always obsessing about? What's next? Always planning our next move, our next decision - planning for our future. It's so predictably female. I don't know about you, but my boyfriend can attest to many a drawn out fight about arbitrary points in our future that I insist we work out (now of course). I admit this can get ridiculous at points, but there certainly exists an element of truth behind the simple desire to find a solution. Because in searching for a solution I'm acknowledging that there is a problem. Captain Obvious strikes again. Seriously though, how many people do you know that won't even admit when they are on a sinking ship? I may be stubborn, but at least I'm not delusional.

I'm not trying to find the problem. I know why I act the way I do. I'm on a journey to the top. I feel claustrophobic if I'm stationed in any one place for an extended period of time. I can't stand it when people try to control me. In short, I'm predisposed to commitment problems. I may have flaws, but this isn't one of them. What I'm really getting at is the idea behind the responsibility of the individual. We all owe it to ourselves to be the best we can be. The way I see it: if I'm constantly striving for personal betterment, not only am I benefiting from my hard work - so is everyone else. Whether they can be happy enough to admit it or not.

The hardest, hardest (can't stress this enough), HARDEST part of this process is no doubt dealing with the "casualties" along the way. I'm be cheeky of course - there are no actual causalities and no one dies from the grief of not getting their way over your own. I could never quite figure out why people got so mad at me for simple decisions I've made in the past: the university I chose to attend, my choice in men, where I chose to work, my filming expedition, my political orientation, my upbringing, my disregard for unsolicited advice - Sorry, I'm not sorry. For fun-sies let's just be real and call these people "haters". The first and only step on your way to success is to ignore the haters. There is one exception to this rule: if you get an opportunity to piss off said hater - do it. 'Tis hilarious. Fuck them.

As if life isn't challenging enough, now we have to pretend to tolerate passive aggressive bitchiness? Not this girl!

Personally, I find myself obsessing over my career, networking, grad school, and (shocker) my guy. I can't even say for certain where I'll be living or what I'll be doing this time next year. It's really exciting!.... for me. I can't speak for anyone else. It certainly creates a lot of stress for all my long distance relationships. I get it, change is scary. You don't want to "lose" someone close to you, but my goodness we live in the age of globalization! Let go. The farthest they'll be from you at any one point is the distance you are from your laptop or smart phone.

My guy lives 2 time zones away from me. Is it hard? Chea! He's en route to Colorado right now with a good friend from South Carolina to set up shop and live the life he's always dreamed of on the slopes, filming. Does he have everything figured out? Nope. Do I have everything figured out? Nope. Some times the best thing you can do for yourself is in making a bold decision and following through with it. No one can predict the future, but if there's one thing you can learn from Fred: you can't progress without change. No risk, no reward.

Ladies, planning will only get us so far. Bold steps are in order! Find a buddy to keep you on track - it's so easy to marginalize our favorite what's next plans. Don't ignore the simple solution to the problem. Where there's a will, there's a way!

When You Know, You Just Know.

2011-10-03T23:18:00.001-04:00

Don't ignore the tickle in the back of your throat, the stomach knots, and the flash of fear pulsing through your nerve endings. They tell you all you need to know before you spend the your entire night tossing and turning for an answer. There's a science to this - I'm convinced. Science just hasn't been able to explain how yet.

Just humor me for a second - when has that 6th sense ever failed you? It's never failed me. Sometimes I think it does. Sometimes I think I've made the wrong decision, but time always reassures me that it was the right choice in the end. We have a choice in life to be one of two types of people: stuck or free. That sounds really rough, and perhaps there is a less harsh way of describing that, but that's what I widdled it down to. And the hardest part about differentiating between the two is that you can't always. It's insane that even right now in my present state I may not be able to tell the difference between when something is holding me back or when I'm doing it to myself. Listen to your gut.

You know that feeling like you've been punched or you want to throw up by just imagining a scenario? There's a lot that can be said for raw emotion, but even then it's not the same as the flash of fear - like when it comes down to the buzzer. Someone once shared a picture with me of a coin being tossed into the air. The caption read:

When faced with two choices, simply toss a coin.

It works not because it settles the question for you,

but because in that brief moment when the coin is in the air,

you suddenly know what you are hoping for.

It may seem simplistic but ever since I pictured that in my head that's how I make decisions. Because deep down we know how awful it would be to be stuck with the second best option. To be stuck wondering, "What could have been"? I'd rather be free to make my own mistakes than live out someone else's on my behalf.

All nausea and heart wrenching pain aside - there's no substitute for the adrenaline, the euphoria, of following your instincts and breaking free. No more wishes. You control your own destiny... just like you control the coin toss.

Speak Loud If You Want A Target On Your Back

2011-10-02T20:42:00.000-04:00

I've been thinking about this a lot recently. Loving this city, but wishing there was an easier way to tiptoe around the whole politics conversation. Those who know me might read that and be confused - Yes, I love me some politics, but not after 5:30pm. The main reason for this development as I have so unfortunately found out - I end up with a target on my back. I'm as independent as you can get. I fall 50/50 on the spectrum of issues out there, and it's hard to find people of the same persuasion or cool people that understand politics is subjective to the individual and that there are no real right or wrong sides to an issue.

My bookshelf reads that I am utterly confused on my politics, religion, and philosophy - and maybe I am, maybe I'm just afraid of being wrong, but I'd rather be a skeptic than a self ordained know-it-all (like most of the people I meet on a daily basis). It astounds me this disconnect between confidence and genuine wisdom. When I meet someone who is open to new ideas I want to just give them a hug right there in the middle of the restaurant or bar that I met them at. As I've only been a resident in the District for the past 5 months I know there's a whole new world out in this city I've yet to discover. Until then, I'm going to direct my attention to the specimen I have had the pleasure of observing over the Summer.

As of present I've been exposed to a bread of liberty lovers. The hipster libertarians, the right of center LGBT community, some old gen tea-partiers, social conservative cheerleaders that like to get loose on the weekends, the war crazed neocons, the 'traditionalists', Wall Street republicans, and the guys with a lot of guns that you don't want on their bad side. A lot of good people, a lot bad people too. The thing that gets me the most is how utterly, chaotically disorganized the entire bunch is - I mean ideologically speaking the sum of all the parts do not equal one. The problem with this picture is not that there is fighting within the party - the elephant in the room (pardon the pun) is the disregard for new ideas verses the old.

Instead of a strengthening from within I see the over production of regurgitated ideas passed down like chow for the hungry ankle biters waiting for their chance to move up the ranks. I see this as a supply and demand problem for my generational counterparts. Why do they work 60+ hours a week for shitty pay? Because there happens to be a line around the block of people waiting to do that same job. Why are they dissatisfied with their job? Maybe it's because deep down they know they are cogs, and cogs are a dime a dozen.

It's not that they don't read or develop arguments - they just don't read anything they don't already agree with. No information sharing, no investigative research on the studies their bosses base their policies off of - literally it's a battle ground and unless you want to be typecast as a Benedict Arnold you better fall in line. There is no place for the individual in Washington, D.C. The irony of all ironies. Especially since the Republican party markets itself as the party for individual rights. I know so many smart people that seem perturbed at the slightest mention of me disagreeing with conservative propaganda. Oh shit, there's a G.D.I. in the room! Any time I mention women's rights, pro-peace measures, or free trade agreements I can see the bewilderment in their eyes as they frantically try to determine if I crashed their party by accident or if I'm apart of some elaborate candid camera production.

The typical response I get when asked who my favorite Republican Presidential nominee is, is met with laughter. Why? Because I tell them the ones I like won't make it through the primaries and the ones that will won't beat Obama. "Muwaha ha ha," goes the middle-aged balding man too cool to back up his degrading laughter with an actual rebuttal. And yet, stupid enough to think our lackluster exchanging of words was some sort of a connection. This isn't an episode of Mad Men folks - typically a lady will not swoon over your natural disposition to discount her opinion by offering to buy her a drink. "No thanks on the Miller Lite". (I drink liquor you pussy - try your moves on the Hill interns who think just because you're older you must be important.)

Be it as it may the number one lesson I have learned this Summer is that people are freakin scared out there. They don't take kindly to new ways of doing things, new markets, new technology that phases out familiar technology, and new people. It's kind of scary how divided this city is - because anyone with half a brain realizes that big changes have to be made in order to carry on into a prosperous future. And if you have the nerve to challenge the existing code you end up with a target on your back.

Not to say I hate it - it kind of amuses me now. I can't even get mad at it anymore since I am trying to slowly win the hearts and minds of people out there - just not particularly on a Saturday night when I'm trying to get sloshed. So to all you bright scholars and hard working Millennials out there - keep an open mind to the changing times, don't be so quick to judge new ideas, and for crying out loud don't talk work or politics at clubs on the weekends.

Peace, love, and revolution!

The Single Girl's Manifesto

2011-06-21T00:27:00.002-04:00

It's fantastic to be a woman.We are young, fabulous, and the world is our oyster! But, all too often we feel the sting of being under cultural fire. Every once in a while it's inevitable -"You're such a nice girl why aren't you married?", "Oh are you still seeing that guy, do I hear wedding bells in your future?". We are blessed with the opportunity to choose a career over a man, travel the world instead of toting kids around town, buy designer labels instead of organic baby formula, and yet we are lead to believe (from a surprising majority) that we aren't choosing an ideal life? Not to sound like a man or anything but, why rush into that funeral? I have this one life, the way I see it, I'm gonna have as much fun as humanly possible.

Now I'm from small town America, but I've had my share of experience with larger subcultures across the US and it baffles me at the amount of women that give up their right to own themselves for even just the brief period in their late teens and twenties. You all know who I'm talking about, that girl you knew in high school that got knocked up senior semester or the Summer after graduation, the one we all whispered about and had moments of silence in coffee shops- where we paid homage to her memory - because we all know the birth is all but a 18 year long hibernation of the individual that was the vessel carrying that miracle. Or the ladies who made it to college (and didn't drop out), the ones after their MRS degree in Domestic Economics. The ones who dropped off the face of the planet and we can only distinguish from their unmistakable (and often painful) statuses about how the joys of motherhood and marriage happen to be their greatest accomplishment. [Disclaimer: those are not my own words, took them directly from my Facebook news feed]

Now, I'm not dogging on the young mothers of the world, I think it's very important to have a strong coalition of support in every community for young mothers to help create an atmosphere for growth and prosperity for both mother and child. I am however, calling out those young mothers who advertise the glorious life as a housewife. Stop being so aggressive about defending your situation in life when it's unsolicited, it's quite annoying. No one is interested in seeing the daily developments in your child's growth cycle, or reading about each new diaper rash and doctor's appointment. Are people with kids capable of facebooking about anything else? Somehow we've managed to go from a generation of self obsessed narcissists tweeting about how awesome our afternoon coffee break was, to mothers who tweet about how awesome our baby's boogers are - I'm appalled. As much as it pains me to say this, I miss the time when I could log onto facebook to scoff at the ass hole that who found it necessary to announce it was their nap time. No, now I get the joy of reading about how some people don't deserve to have children because they are "too self centered" and "selfish" - disregard the fact that I find it hilarious how I'm being preach to by accidental teen mothers about being allowed to have children. The real worry here is this notion that they no longer have an identity outside of being mom and wife/baby-momma/fiancée. WTF!? They can't want any longer? I think Betty Friedan is rolling over in her grave.

There is a faux romanticism surrounding this idea of marital bliss and childrearing that is super alarming in our teen girl culture these days. Close your legs or buy a pack of condoms you silly girls, because you can't carry around a baby carriage and think it's a fashion statement. Playing dress up with a real baby is so much different than playing dress up with your American Girl Doll. The best example you can set for your little sisters, friends, sons, and daughters is that respecting yourself above all else will give you the confidence to carry out your life goals and allow you to feel truly satisfied with life without compromising and giving up your identity. That means, finding a good balance between providing care for your kids and taking care of yourself.

I think it's important that we remember the simple fact that we are not defined by who we sleep with, repeat that again with me. We are the make up of our desires, our thoughts, and actions, but we are not defined by anyone else. Our professional achievements speak just as loud about our contributions to society as our biological achievements do, and even more about our self control.

This one's goes out to a special breed of women: The independent ladies that are winning in the professional arenas of their industry, dominating the market place, driving consumer development into new technologies, changing politics in their communities and the global scene, and all the women that pay their own bills, buy their own clothes, and rock the power suit one day and Lily Pulitzer with pearls the next.

Cheers to those biannual 'reinventions', the all nighters that end with the start of a 9 hour work day, top shelf liquor, exclusive events, jet setting across the globe, and a ready supply of Alka-Seltzer and Adderall! Your twenties are for making memories, mistakes, and money. Get to it!

Take Back What's Yours!

2011-04-03T12:03:00.000-04:00

I don't understand why a risk taker would frighten other people. I see so many fabulous people around me rising to the occasion of the moment. They move on beat with the times around them and don't hesitate to react! You have to live the life you love! Fear is such a sad place you can't allow yourself to go. Don't say you "can't" right now because of X, Y, or Z reasons - because you are manifesting in the doubt and making it your reality. Once I realized my own fears were holding me back from the life I wanted I just started saying "Yes!"... and wouldn't you know it, good things started happening. Life is so much fun, I wish more people would join in on it!

If you really cared about being happy, you'd make it happen. Don't wallow around and talk all about the "what ifs" because there isn't a fail proof way in taking a risk, so putting it off in preparation won't guarantee a thing other than lost time. You control your destiny. Say what you want then go after it as if it's already yours. You don't have to know how you will accomplish it, just that you won't stop until you have. It doesn't matter how outrageous and it doesn't matter how many people tell you that you can't do it. Risk takers frighten other people, because they are too concerned with the question of 'how' and not 'why'.

I'm bombarded with the same theme in my life right now- the power of positive thinking, making your own reality, inner happiness as a source of unlimited power, etc. It is following me every where I go, and I'm welcoming it with a full embrace! I'm so happy and I have this feeling of infatuation and it's with myself and not because of anyone else. You want a feeling that will blow your mind- imagine having your heart on fire for life the way your heart burns for that person you love. I find it easier to make decisions now because of the clarity brought by this elated state. This is the purest form of selfishness, and it's not a bad thing! I'm a better friend, neighbor, worker, and human because of it. Guilt use to control my life, until I realized the people that would have me feel guilty for my happiness are not people I want to let in anymore. People who love you want you to be happy. Someone held back in a relationship by guilt to make another person happy isn't helping the situation - if one is unhappy the other will not be happy either because there's a void. When you are happy, you can give back. Want to make the world a better place? Be happy, do what you're good at, and everything will fall into order - don't hesitate by asking how, react because you know why. This is your life, it's time to take back what belongs to you.

Reflections from Europe, Filming & Growing Up (Over the past 7 weeks)

2011-01-19T05:20:00.004-05:00

I write this note from a den in Paris with the most spectacular view of the Eiffel Tower from my balcony's glass doors. It's surreal that I am sitting here, within reach of such a famous landmark- and to top it off I get to spend it with Fred. While the glamour of this type of travel may pop into your minds first (as it did for me) please do not misinterpret my writings as boastful because I can assure you they are more for personal morale than for a meaningless declaration! At week 7 of traveling every other second or third day it becomes a personal accomplishment to actually make it to another city or country. I have survived cross continent train rides, sketchy cab drivers, ferries, taxi boats, gondalas, crowded metros, intercity busses, ice, snow, mountains, oceans, rivers, lakes, and canals (to name a few) -All while carrying 40 lbs of bags and equipment.

I assure you, even Paris can lose it's appeal when you are sweating in an underground metro and you feel like you would die of thirst unless your back snapped from the weight first. It takes strong people to travel like this, I have a new level of respect for anyone I meet that is traveling by backpack as well!

The highs of this trip were equally matched by the lows but don't let that distract you from the ultimate good that will come from this project. I've recognized a strength in myself I never knew I had... explicitly. Each interview, each new host family I stayed with, and each new culture I encountered I grew wiser in the law of the land. My world has expanded by 10 fold, and ironically it's become more concentrated. I've been traveling with the intention of discovering other people's passion in life and in the process I discovered my own. And no- it's not film.

I brought 3 books with me for this journey: Atlas Shrugged by Any Rand, Hamilton's Curse by Thomas Dilorenzo, and The Law by Frederic Bastiat. I don't know why I felt compelled to bring them along because I didn't have the space for them. It was completely irrational of me to bring books with me that I had owned for over 2 years and have never begun reading. Never-the-less they came with- and to my surprise they became my most treasured items I carried for 2 months. They will have more influence over the final film than any other person could. My interview questions changed to themes and questions brought up in each resective book; my thirst for knowledge cannot be matched by any other period in my life to date.

This documentary was my passionate undertaking and it hasn't changed, only grown stronger. I had my weak moments. It's easy to lose the fight when you find yourself forgetting which city you are waking up in every morning, battling weather your body has never experienced, eating food that seems pale in comparison to the comfort of the food back home, forgetting what privacy feels like, and reminiscing about the past with your family and friends on lonely evenings surrounded by strangers.

It seemed strange that I would cope with my home sickness through literature, but then again everybody has an outlet. If I felt the strong sting of depression I would just pull out my book and BAM I would be delivered a helpful dose of inspiration! It only got bad during the holidays - which is to be expected I guess in retrospect... that's one thing you cannot prepare for, no matter how meticulous your daily itinerary may be. Yet, here I am with one week left of filming and I can say happily that I wouldn't have had it any other way.

The interesting part about this progress, for Fred and me, was that in the lowest points we didn't just turn towards a mere comfort, but to the core of what our passion for living was! Fred in his intrinsic love for film and editing, and myself in the acquisition of political philosophy. I keep fighting my urges to be in politics, I tell myself that I can separate myself from it, but the way I see it now is that it is as much a part of me as my personality and in that manner it can not be extracted from my person.

Uncertainty has been a major theme in my life the past 6 months and it shows no signs of changing in the immediate future. Yet, it's comforting to know that no matter what the future holds in store for me professionally, financially, and geographically at least I know my purpose . I will use my time to fight for an idea bigger than myself, in order to secure a truly free society for the inhabitants of the world to follow me. What greater legacy should one hope to transfer into the next generation? Whether through film, print, social media and the like - I will see to it that truth and reason are brought to life and corruption and deception are exposed wherever it seeks to hide.

It is the case that I strongly believe my peers at home and abroad regard knowledge as power and they are more open to the processes of the world around them than they are given credit for. There is a army of silent activists out there who want answers to questions that are considered taboo by officials of governing bodies world wide - woe is the day the former realize what the latter already know in the threat they pose to the status-quo!

Consider this the best preview (to date) of what our documentary will represent.

What I'm Thankful for This Thanksgiving

2010-11-22T22:10:00.002-05:00

Totally blown away with where I find myself today. Eight days away from my flight to London to begin filming a documentary I dreamed up, with my best friend, Fred Vaillant! I'd be lying to you if I tried to hold in this overwhelming emotion of euphoria I'm experiencing right now.

The route I took was not easy by any means. My mother spoke wise words by telling me in my fits of rage and failure that, "If it was easy everyone would do it". I had amazing encouragement from people all over the globe who praised my ideas for this documentary but none compare to the specific words from a few of my most beloved friends.

Freddy, my partner in crime, I would have quit months ago if not for you. Your sacrifice and struggles in dealing with the problems that came along with this film far exceeded even my own. You deserve a medal. It's been almost unbearable at times, but you were reason enough to endure and keep fighting. This is our moment, I am so the lucky one.

My best gal pal, Evangeline Leihy, has stood by my side through all of the ups and downs this fall. Whether it was over the phone, baking experimental cookies, or closing down bars she has listened to every worry and aspiration I had for this film. I can't even put a price on that kind of loyalty and devotion. She has been an irreplaceable ally and complete inspiration to me over the past months - I love you Shug!

A dear friend and colleague, Austin Schwartz, has been just as big of help with the actual film as he has been with my personal struggles in grasping the scope of what this film means for me specifically. One evening not long ago I was incredibly frustrated with the film's progress and out of no where he sent me a message telling me how he knew this film would be a success "...because whether you realize it or not, this film is about you Sarah". Simple words that I never pieced together for myself. Simple enough to change my perspective on what success for this film meant for me, personally.

I can't end this thank you rant without thanking several people for their specific interest in this documentary. If you are listed below, please know that without our hours of correspondence on the subject matter that make up this film the final quality would have suffered. Thank you so much Cassy Loseke, Nicole Norton, Nick Elliott, Crystal Boyd, and Hannah Floyd - I haven't forgotten!

Approximately a week from now I will actually be in an airplane over the Atlantic Ocean, it's really happening! Without all of your help, that may or may not have been the case. Obviously, there is a list of a hundred people I could thank - this is just my personal thank you for the ones who have touched me in a way that I could never repay for the emotional pulled they brought to my life while developing an idea that will find it's way to screen some day.

I am blessed to have you all in my life!

Villains

2010-10-27T01:46:00.000-04:00

We are first introduced to the "villain" role as a child through movies or cartoons. These villains were so far removed from the protagonists life that they could be easily separated and labeled as an outside force whose sole purpose was devoted to making the life of others worse off.

As all lessons we learn as children, the one we learn about villains we may encounter in life is skewed. In fact, most of the people we label as "villains" in our lives are entangled in our every day activities. Often times our villain is our coworker, our boss, a family member, and some times a good friend. And these villains in our life, they don't thrive off the misfortune of us, they don't spend their nights plotting against us (although we might perceive it that way at times).

The part that makes me wonder is the development of the persona of the villain role. For example: when close friends become enemies in a matter of years; suddenly you feel the wrath of a long, drawn out break up from a friend. (It is my personal opinion that when friendships break up its worse than when you break up with a beau.) It's then easy to cope with the split by labeling the other as a villain. Dirt is slung around, gossip is spread, but it's not until you hear rumor from the other accusing you of being their villain until you really get fired up! After all, how can your villain think you are their villain?- the thought will make you laugh, scoff, and turn red with anger.

I turn to the road runner and the coyote for further analysis: Obviously the coyote is the villain. Coyote spends his time and money buying new acme gadgets and plotting to, well, kill the road runner. Why? Is it as simple as a prejudice or a hate crime OR did the road runner do something so horrendous that the coyote needed revenge? And if so is it possible that the coyote feels like the victim, like the road runner is his villain?

Obviously this is an extreme case, if this were real life the coyote would be some deranged psychopath and this story would be more fitting for a Law & Order episode not a Saturday morning cartoon marathon. The point is how scary perception can be when it comes to personal vendettas.

Maybe we should all step back from our preconceived notions of the villains at work in our lives and reevaluate the plausibility of the hate that actually exists. I've been accused of this before and it baffles me why anyone could think I would be working against them. Reality is subject to change, our imaginations can take over the best of us, don't let it.

The History of Apathy & Ignorance

2010-10-25T01:42:00.000-04:00

I have been mulling over this latest post for a few days now, because I didn't know if I could fashion my thoughts together to form a coherent discussion regarding my personal story of apathy and ignorance. Alas, I will do my best!

A few nights ago I had dinner with a dear friend of mine. During the course of the meal we gabbed on about everything from the latest gossip to plans for the holidays. Some where in the middle, between ex-boyfriends and Paris we talked about the development of our opinions and philosophies. Both of us were raised in South Carolina, both had parent's who moved here from the North, and both were brought up in a conservative, protestant home.

My friend has been studying courses in psychology, nutrition and sociology- always interested in human development. This semester and the last, she has taken some classes on feminism and women studies. I don't know if it was a fluke in her schedule or the alternative classes were full, but she admitted in a drab tone that she initially rolled her eyes at the idea of taking the classes. However, the past few months have yielded a new appreciation in my friend's mind; let's just say it was a change from her previous prejudices.

We both spoke heatedly about inequalities for women, the expected roles society places on us, the double standard when it comes to women who choice to run in politics, sexually based crimes on humanity, and the sexism that is rampant across the world still- the works.

She brought up a point that resonated with me. The indoctrination by men to their daughters and wives to stick up for the male species because they are under attack. She added:

I've always stuck up for the boys! All my life I was raised to defend them, to defend my father. I didn't realize that my dad was coaching me along. I didn't realize that he was indoctrinating me. It's a tradition past down from generation to generation to keep the order. Because yes women can have a job, but we are still expected to keep up with our house work and that's so difficult that most women end up quitting their jobs to stay at home because to do both means you don't have time to enjoy life.

Even now, I told her, I think back to days when I engaged in political debates regarding affirmative action. I was the biggest cheerleader for the middle aged white male- to which I now look back at in ghastly embarrassment. Who are we kidding really, I'm suppose to believe that white males are the victims here? I know one thing, they sure are over compensating due to the power grab from others outside of their demographic group. Sorry, but I don't buy into the whole 'the sky is falling' ideology just because women and people of color can now get a white mans job.

Somewhere along the line I began questioning the ideas I held onto with such fervor in my youth. From this one instance it made me wonder when that started happening. I'm sure it began around high school, but it doesn't feel like it made a substantial change in my life until very recently (within the year).

Indoctrination and fear are so present in all of our lives that it's hard to realize when you've been infected. I guess that's the real scary part of the whole process. People try to infiltrate your mind on a daily basis, it's called media and marketing- everyone is a target and everyone is susceptible. The trick is to stay alert and not fall prey to ignorance of the system; Even worse, to be apathetic to the process.

Apathy is a choice to let someone else decide your future. Your past is history, what would you like to do about it now?

Help Some Millennials Make 'The Millennials'

2010-10-14T17:56:00.001-04:00

The film is coming along splendidly minus one factor: funding. I am baffled that besides close family and select friends no one else has donated a penny to the production of this film. Considering the amount of awe received on hearing the plot of this documentary I expected more.

I understand the under 25 crowd not having resources to spend on donations, but there exists a level of support needed beyond a pat on the back. I would be hard pressed to find anyone that doesn't have $5 in spare change that they wouldn't be willing to give up to a beggar on the street or a charity collector in a food court. Along this same premise I run into peers all the time that thank me for attempting to film this subject matter. They praise the film by saying we are pioneers in searching for answers that no one can come up with and I am touched in their sincerity. But the scope of this project is severely hindered when it is being self produced at cost of a 21 year old's available assets.

This is my call-to-arms for anyone who is truly moved by this project. This is for anyone who agrees that the next generation of world leaders need to be understood in order to reach them, market to them, and design policy that they can get behind and not cause further political gridlocks. Everything is shifting and no one can grasp the extent of those changes because no one has been given the proper tools in analyzing them. Precisely for that reason this film will be monumental in understanding and predicting the social, political, and economical ramifications for the next decades.

If this is a project you can get behind please support it by donating what you can to it's production and sharing it will as many people as you know! As the saying goes, "Put your money where your mouth is". Donate here

Make No Excuses

2010-10-01T02:56:00.003-04:00

I am the epitome of an independent spirit, and I am in the quest for my own American dream. However, never in my life until now have I experienced doubt in my abilities from outsiders. It's a big shock to my system and my immediate response to this discouragement and condemnation is to naturally fight back or run away (fight or flight defense mechanism). Since duels are no longer a socially acceptable solution to such problems I opt for the more professional approach: I snub and ignore to the best of my ability. Still, like any good thorn in your side the problems persist. Now, I'm faced with this unnatural build up of animosity towards these negative forces whispering failure into my life- and they are winning because it gets to me! I so want to be that tough bitch that says "fuck you nay-sayers go live your own life and scrutinize your own decisions!"... but that would just upset the balance of southern hospitality that is at work here, and I wouldn't dare do that.

I just don't understand how my victory can be perceived as the loss for someone else, nothing I hope to accomplish here could possibly cause that to happen. Equally incomprehensible, why in the good lord's name would anyone think to mutter the phrase "you will fail without me" as some sort of leverage to gain credibility with me? Do you really think marginalizing my talents, insulting my work ethic, then telling me that without your help I will never make it would spark some epiphany that makes me suddenly want you around? Ha.

News flash, I've made it where I am now with the encouragement of my family and friends and through my own hard work. I do not need the selfish attempts of power grabbing from someone who is merely encroaching on my ideas to revel in my success then tell me that it would have never happened without their intervention. That's just insanity. Oh I will succeed, and my success will be your folly through your own doing.

It's just too bad that you let pride get in your way. I was born to play the game, and I am good at it.

Good Times Are Here Again!

2010-08-11T01:47:00.001-04:00

Fred and I are having fun with these late nighters working on the website. Despite the over-caffeination, writers block, and that overwhelming compulsion to frantically pace the room every so often due to muscle spasms... all is good! How can I complain when I'm working in such a friendly work environment?! (Cough cough... thanks Marianne!)

We have officially decided on the title of our documentary. Drumroll please.... The Millennials!

Tomorrow we will begin filming for our movie trailer over at our dear friend Evangeline's home. The website is coming along piece by piece and thanks to Fred we are now stylin' with our very own AFAT business cards. Legit.

Give us a few days to post pictures from the shoot tomorrow, until then feel free to check out the website for additional content.

http://afatfilms.com/

Quotes from the Bullpen

2010-07-30T16:52:00.001-04:00

A short compilation of the funny quotes said during work that I actually remembered to write down. Enjoy:

“Gerard Butler is all that is man. He has more testosterone in a single follicle in his giant beard than the average man.” –Rob

“Y’all better hope I’m not the crazy person that walks into the office and shoots everybody” –Robbie

“Oh you stalked my mom!? Isn’t she ADORABLE!” –Robbie

“Don’t chew with food in your mouth…. [long pause followed by woodsie laugh].. Don’t eat with food in your mouth!” –Robbie (fail)

“How many hipsters does it take to screw in a light bulb?” –Rob (to Sarah & Glenn)

“It’s an obscure number you’ve probably never heard of.” –Andrew

While doing Obama-cards

“How do you get this to work? Ohhh when you rub it, it comes out!” –Andrew

“That’s what she said.” –Sarah

“Chill out Congress!” –Andrew

“Yea, you and Jared from subway are a lot alike. You both have the same… glasses.” –Rob to Robbie

“Why are you smiling?” –Robbie

“I’m always happy.” –Aaron

“Why? You’re here.” –Robbie

“What! You’re not allowed to have cell phones in Costco?” –Drew

“I like to go and this is what she said to me. Ugh.” –Brandon (describing how bad Kanye West raps)

“Ok, show me the lyrics where he says ‘I like to go and this is what she said to me. Ugh.’” –Aaron

“Of course the girl who won was this ghetto black girl… like how was I supposed to compete with that?” –Robbie on winning 2^nd place in a freshman orientation dance contest

Courtesy of Drew Schneider

“I generally stay away from trannies… I don’t trust them” - Glenn

Farewell Washington, Until Next Time...

2010-07-30T16:43:00.004-04:00

My last work day in D.C. is coming to an end slowly. These last few hours have proven to be a time of reflection over the past 3 months. I rushed to Washington immediately after graduation completely pumped to start my political career outside of the Columbia political scene - I was going national baby! It took three hours after moving into my new apartment for the magnitude of my changes to really sink in. I was eight hours from anyone who loved me, cared about me, and even knew my name and some how this was justified by the over powering compulsion I had to positively change the world. I wiped my tears after the first few days of mourning and managed to get out into the world long enough to secure a part-time job so I could afford to eat something besides saltine crackers and spaghetti-Os for the summer.

My first day of work at my internship was interesting for sure. I was assigned to the Finance and Development Department due to my previous experiences in finance - disappointing at first because I wanted the thrill of blogging about policy & informing the world! Well, life is never what you plan and soon I began brainstorming ways to get out of my niche of direct mailers and excel sheet master extraordinaire! All the while trying to peg the 11 other interns that worked with me and figure out what I could find in common with them-- I prayed for humor and thank God I was given humor! I have had the opportunity to dine with Senators, happy hour with Congressmen, and have cocktails & hors d'oeuvres with some of Washington's top political insiders - All paling in comparison to the wonderful friendships I have made with some of the finest young adults in America - ATR Freedom Fighters Summer 2010.

As you are all aware my search for purpose in D.C. politics ended up in film. With the support of my friends back home and friends in Washington this complete long shot of an idea has become a reality. I will never forget the encouragement from all of you this summer! It has literally changed the course of my life (and you had a bigger part in this than you may think). And my internship turned out to be perfect after all- No policy blogging like I had hope for- Instead, I was offered a unique position to network with individuals who have turned out to be some of the biggest driving forces behind giving my documentary the momentum and credibility needed to take off and get recognized.

The moral I've learned from this summer: Never curse your circumstance.

This day is almost through. I will metro back home for the last time an hour from now, all the more wiser than when I arrived here in May. I'll load my car, have one last hoorah in Georgetown, then leave early tomorrow morning for South Carolina.

I'm not through with Washington. I'll be back. Until then, I'll simple be a girl on the move.

Impulsive Behavior

2010-07-11T20:37:00.001-04:00

One day I got it in my head that I was going to move abroad. So, I quit my job ambitions for Washington, D.C. and booked a flight to Amsterdam in the Fall. I've temporarily changed careers: politics for film making. Why not - I'm young and have time on my side. I need a better perspective on life. I need to meet new characters with different points of view and stories I have never heard before. The chance to say I threw my hands up in the air once and let go! The strangest thing is I'm not worried in the slightest. --This coming from the girl who over thought her political career moves at the age of 17. I've strategically planned my job moves from Senator's offices and state campaigns to working for political parties and lobbying firms.

I hit a wall this Summer and I need to step back and reassess. I've learned a lot about myself over the past few years. Most importantly I learned what I gain the most happiness from: my friends and family. There has been a disconnect between what I have been working towards and what I value in life. People matter to me and there was a time when I believed politics was the best venue for me to work in to impact the most lives. I remember telling people when asked why I wanted to go into politics that, "If you can't beat 'em, join 'em". A month ago I realized something while desperately trying to make sense of my purpose here in Washington: I've been saying that line for 4 years and the obvious flaw in my logic just hit me! "If you can't beat 'em, join 'em".... it never occurred to me that I never tried to beat the system by going off in my own endeavors!!! ::facepalm::

I believe now more than ever that film, communications, and multimedia are my outlets to changing lives. I want to bridge the gap between cultural differences, show the good things in life, offer hope and solutions! There is so much I could do... and trust me my brain is moving at 100 miles a minute in thinking everything up. I guess my future is in my impulsive behavior and thank God I realized this now before I wasted any more time. :)

Lights, Camera, ACTION!

2010-06-13T19:44:00.005-04:00

I have a wonderful announcement! This has been in the works for a while now, but I'm going public with the information because I just can't contain myself any longer... I, along with my partner in crime Fred Vaillant, will be embarking on the adventure of our lives in Europe come October! Together we will making a documentary about our generation's innovative ability to adjust to changing economic environments while showing our generation's transcending optimistic views of the future ahead across international borders. We are beyond excited for this venture & appreciate all the encouragement we've already received from our friends! I will keep you posted on updates related to the film's progress as they develop!

& as always your input is greatly appreciated! Credit will be given where credit is deserved :)

Waiting Around for The Weekend

2010-06-11T10:45:00.002-04:00

I refuse to be one of those people who live their lives for 2 days at the end of the week. There is no reason to work a job you hate just for the security of knowing you have a steady income source. YUCK! I'd rather be poor and happy than middle class and miserable.

So many people live the rouse and it baffles me. I guess this is like a challenge to anyone who actually reads this to reevaluate the way you spend your time. Go with your gut.

Facebook Fopaux

2010-05-30T21:37:00.007-04:00

Recently I have stumbled upon a few statuses that have caught my eye in an unusual manner. We've all been victims of the repetitively dull facebook updates and taken note of the most common offenders. The following statuses, however, truly deserve applaud:

Babe You're Not Lost

2010-04-23T23:03:00.003-04:00

What can I do? Easy to feel helpless -well when you can't control your surroundings. Why not low ball yourself instead of being disappointed after all right? Hang in there, you have more faith in yourself than you are willing to admit. Don't burn yourself out because fear can do a lot to a person (at most drive you into a psychotic coma). It's the hiccups life throws your way that are specifically designed to test your willingness to live. I'm not talking life or death, but the difference between existing and living.
Don't expect people to live up to the same standards you hold yourself to. More importantly, don't let anyone force you to lower those standards. It's those aspirations, those important measurements that keep stability in your life -without them you will lose sight of what inherently makes you different from anyone else. That's not a shocking statement, just one that casually is overlooked by most people. Who would imagine that someone would have turmoil in their life by not knowing who they are and what they stand for?... it's a sneaky thing because it eats away at you without you consciously recognizing it.
Life moves so fast and it's easy to compromise each day. You start strong and know exactly what you are going to do with your life. A year goes by and another, soon you've completed your task and are exactly where you wanted to be. Then a strange thing happens, you no more know what you want to do than before you made up your mind the first go-around. We're not lost, oh no -we are just finding out what we were really destine to do.

My Valentine

2010-02-10T02:56:00.004-05:00

Could you stay my love forever?
I would kiss you every day,
Love you even when I don't get my way.
Pretend you made me sway,
Just so long as the moment never pass us away.
We can watch your favorite Bear shows,
While throwing back bowls of Cheerios.
Laughing nose to nose,
You'll always be the one I chose.
Because I know you let me win,
And time with you is fun like sin.
I'll never be the same again,
For you, forever.

Clutch

2010-02-10T01:06:00.004-05:00

Whose to say the ordinary moments can't be the ones you never seem to shake from your mind? When did the situational hiccups we find ourselves in become the benchmark for evaluating the excitement in our lives? Every moment has the opportunity to be "extraordinary"- the only thing that keeps us from crossing that threshold is our own reluctance. It's like this psychological impediment that we don't allow more than X amount of wonderful things to happen to ourselves in a given period. Why? Perhaps because it is distilled into a way of thinking that our perception of normal or average has to be at a level removed from anything worth noting. In short, if you are bored of your daily routine you have only yourself to blame. Quite frankly, this is a mental disorder. Why is it that so many people are unhappy with their lives, on anti-depressants, and complaining on an hourly basis? No one is incapable of living in the moment. So why is it that so many people self diagnose their situation as tragic, lame or beyond repair?
An impulse gone unmet could be the difference. If you can grasp the gravity of that statement then you will begin to view the world in a new light. You can't be afraid of silly things like rejection and failure, yes silly. Your time is too precious to be caught up in factors you can never control. If you are of the mindset that damage control or manipulation can always fix life's flubs then you don't get it. While Life is a game, it's not like hitting a reset button when you twist the truth or sweep something under the rug- you aren't that slick. Someone always notices and your reputation will follow you to your grave (short of being carved into your epitaph). If you can't come to terms with your own short comings how can you expect others to? Just take a chill pill. If you fuck up every once in a while, just learn from it. If you can't dance, just embrace your body jive. If you fall victim to public embarrassment, laugh louder than the crowd. People will love you for it, in fact they eat it up! Don't get caught up in the technical implementation of this process, it's not a science- it's a way of life.
My days are extraordinary by choice. I find joy in being smiled at, flattery in having a door held open for me, laughter through my clumsiness, humility in the friendships I encounter daily, and a complete feeling of jubilation when I get one of those overwhelming happy sighs. -The kind that just radiates from your core (of what can only be described as the body's effort to notify you that your mind was just blown - a cerebral explosion that practically causes the endorphins to fly out your mouth).
To quote George Bernard Shaw, "Life is not about finding yourself, it's about creating yourself". Be the person you want to be remembered for. And never be so foolish as to take the ordinary moments for granted, because it is those that define you.

Change Your Mind

2009-07-14T18:34:00.014-04:00

The start of anything in your life is usually ushered in by changes. A change of scenery, perspective, friends, lovers, a change of course from where you thought you were heading. I think it is all too easy to designate a person, a muse rather, with this new take on life when in fact they are just around in the midst of your personal evolution and we subconsciously attach them to a wonderful feeling of endorphins and control over our lives.

Your old muse fades with every new beginning, it may be the case that they change but if so they are changing with you. Nothing supersedes the fact that you are in a constant state of change, so much that even inaction and the choice to remain in the same circumstances will change you and continue to persuade your thoughts. It's almost funny to recount how paralyzed I have been over the past year. Persuaded into believing a certain way of life was more elusive than I had previously given it merit. Do not give up the things that make you happy in order to keep the order. For every excuse there is a counter excuse and more than likely it's the exact same argument - "If you never try then you'll never know..." what happens once you try and wish you had never known that alternative? The world is filled with lucrative hooks and lures that blind us with our own indiscretions and after wards we wonder how we continued along with such destructive and belittling behavior like we didn't see it coming, like we didn't realize what we were doing every time (all along).

No one wants to feel devalued. No one wants to feel the strain of wanting somebody's praise or approval but we do, it's only human. Powerlessness is truly the worst feeling to ever have, it's the root of all the terrible things in life - having no control over a situation, but worse because it's your situation. You can't change how other people behave if they are set on acting that way. You can't change someone else's past - you just have to deal with it. And you have to decide if you want to deal with it. There is no set of instructions to follow and nothing is a sure thing in this world. You're guaranteed to change your mind so don't fail victim to your own prejudice.

Isn't It Ironic

2009-05-11T23:15:00.002-04:00

I like to think I'm a trusting person, but I get played and end up a skeptic. I thought I was a loving person, but when it counts I can't allow myself to love. I love to give to others, but I'm hesitant to receive because I don't want people to think I'm using them. I am a realist, a realist that always holds onto hope for unrealistic possibilities. I try so hard to guard myself from being hurt, but I always end up completely vulnerable on purpose. I think I know what I want in life, but my life never turns out how I plan and surprisingly enough it's exactly what I want. I like to think I drive at a decent pace, but I constantly find myself angrily stuck behind a slow truck covered in Nascar memorabilia. It takes me an eternity to finish eating fast food. I admire the works and philosophy of Nicoli Machiavelli but I despise the people who live their lives in accordance to it. I say I want things I don't want at all. 'Happiness dwells in the soul' and I can't grasp the concept of a soul. I believe the same promises made by the same people who broke them the first time around, and am surprised when the same thing happens to me over and over again. I am terrified of danger, which is exactly why I seek it out. I believe in the power of thought (mind over matter) and over the last 10 years I've believed in the overwhelming precence of irony... self fulfilling prophecy much? I'm intrensically no good, but atleast I'm honest about it. Holding onto something only causes you to lose it all. I have never been able to avoid anything. Forever is always shorter than you think.

Countdown to Tomorrow

2009-05-10T16:28:00.004-04:00

I've learned a lot of lessons in my life through my mistakes. In the same manner the greater the mistake, the harder the fall, and the greater the recovery. Regardless of every mistake I've made in life I have never ended up regretting the way things ended up as a result. I am like a morphed version of my former self with a couple more notches in my belt. It's funny how you picture yourself when you are young compared to the reality of how you end up. I would have never imagined myself as I am now even a year ago, but somehow I'm eerily o.k. with it. There was a point in my life when I didn't know who I was and as a result bent over backwards to be the person I thought everyone else wanted. Thank God I woke up and did what was best for me. You can't please everyone, and no matter how hard you may try sometimes nothing will be good enough, but you can't let that frustrate you, that's just life. Some times its the hardest choices that are the right choices... making them is the tricky part. Why is it so hard to let go of something when you know it's broken? Sometimes I feel like I have to flat out coerce myself into believing the truth and even then I don't allow myself to believe it. My theory is that the "selling point" depends on the level of invested interest- the whole committed persona. I don't know why I never thought about this before but it fits: you are never pot committed. To some of my more skeptical friends this is what I mean when I say 'life is a game'. Even basic poker strategies turn out to be useful beyond the chip count.
Despite the down turns in life I feel like there is so much to look forward to so I can't stay sad, I think this has developed as a defense mechanism... I am evolving into an optimist or possibly I am content with who I am in the midst of the criticism. Irregardless of this development I am willing, yes willing. The vagueness fits this moment, that's not writers block. This is going to be a wonderful Summer. I can't wait until tomorrow.

Unconventional Wisdom

2009-03-12T19:26:00.003-04:00

In all the ages past the rules of engagement were simple. Man impress woman, kill beast with big rock. Woman swoons, man grunts, tribal dance ensues, make boom boom, the end. Slowly evolving to the age of courtships, arranged marriages.. etc. With the advent of the 20th Century and the great wars us women became enlightened. Suddenly, we realize we can have a life outside of the role of birthing babies and vacuuming. A spark goes off in our mind. Not only do we reevaluate our equality within society but within our relationships. For example, why do we have to be the ones to follow our men around the world to tend to their business, why not the opposite? Power struggles ignite across the world as the social norm changes. And in the wake of this unnerving deviant behavior us ladies, who most definitely enjoy the power and freedom, must find a middle ground in order to maintain a relationship, if we so choose to have one.

So now here I find myself in turbulent times in the complex battle fields of the sexes. (I choose to unlatch my tongue from my teeth hence further for literary clarity.) I would like to know why men assume it is unnatural for a woman to think about marriage when they are in a relationship with them. Come on now boys, this isn't a trick question. It also should not be mistaken that this fact means every girlfriend wants to actually marry you (any time soon, or ever). Every girl since they are consciously aware of society knows the story: girl meets guy, fall madly in love, get married, live happily ever after in the suburbs with a dog and 2.5 kids. This is what we are programmed to want, this is what we always knew we wanted... right? No, this isn't always the case. Us 21st Century gals don't know what the fuck we want. We have an identity crisis every 6 months. We will legitimately want to be a super soccer mom, then want to have a kick ass career and no kids in the same year. We are not all clingy bitches vying for your sperm to lock you down into being "steady".

I digress. Men and women need different things. Men need food and space. Women need hugs and conversation. We all need boom boom. The trick is balancing the needs. Most fights happen over miscommunication regarding basic needs for both genders. I suggest heavy study into the mysterious world of the opposite sex to help you better understand your bf/gf and improve your relationship skills. Sure I simplified this but you get the gist. My beef is with the fights... girls we all know we hate being in fights all we want are our men to make some grand gesture of apology and sweep us off our feet, kiss us and make everything better. Not reality. Because while we are playing this romantic scene over and over again in our head while sitting around for him to come to us all he is thinking is.. "Ugh I do not want to think about _____ so I wont." And he honest to God will not think about you for 3-4 days. This is mans way of getting over things. Mean while us woman are sitting at home depressed us fuck that our boyfriends can really be such assholes and not care. Its a frustrating cycle, with no cure insight. That wasn't suppose to be a downer just an alert to any one who didn't already know that. Like me before I learned the hard way oh so many times.

I don't pretend to speak for other women, but I know there are others out their like me and well we just don't feel up to the charade anymore. No games, no hidden agenda. Take my word for what it is, the truth. I just want to have fun, laugh, make money, drop money like its no ones business, and love with a passion that isn't tainted with underlying suspicions of cohersion into long term relationships. AKA really amazing partnerships with minimal strings attached. I'm 19 not 31. Let the good times roll!

Double Standard Much?

2009-01-21T17:42:00.005-05:00

I was taken aback by yesterday's blunderous display as President Obama and Justice Roberts administered the oath of office. My initial reaction was "Aww poor guy, biggest moment of his career, botched!" Then of course as I had more time to ponder this mishap and giggled at the sentiment that he could memorize a 20 minute speech yet over look the 20 second Presidential Oath (that he only needed to repeat). As the day progressed and more political pundants and analysts offered their take on the days activities, I was surprised to notice the silence surrounding the swearing in of our new President. Destitute of the juicy political retribution from the last 8 years watching clips of President Bush misspeak I waited patiently for the late night TV hosts to deliver my much anticipated dose of comic relief. Still, nothing. I mean given the media's intense obsession with making former President W. Bush look as stupid as possible for kicks and giggles I figure the same fair and equal treatment would be levied upon Obama... oh wait did I just say I assumed the media would be equal opportunists? Haha silly me, us Republicans never learn.

Is this seriously not worthy of 'The Daily Show'? Give me a break. - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hKsL-j7-9No

Lost Thoughts

2009-01-18T20:16:00.006-05:00

It all starts so innocently then it hits you like a sneaky little booger. A feeling that paralyzes you to the core. A moment that leaves you afraid to move, to breathe, to blink because you might miss something. Oh, I wake up for those moments. It makes life valuable, vulnerable, absolutely wonderful. Everything looks better and feels better, it tastes better! If I could take you away I would show you what I mean, but I have a feeling you already know. Now when everybody thinks they know what's best for me, I turn to one place. I confide in you. All I ever wanted was a little peace of mind, best believe I have the time. I want to be in love forreal.

Epic Floundering

2009-01-15T22:42:00.005-05:00

I believe this is unclear, let me inform you dear.
So you love me, head's in the sky?
Imagine my confusion to sense your fear.
Is it real or are you just too shy?
Last time I checked I'm still standing here.
Cowering against my last bit of free will.
Cutting ties and living lies,
all for the comfort of a moment you can later despise.
Am I really all you need?
Because for an instant you hesitated.
You think I will stand by and be desecrated?
Turns out my feelings are too strong to be ignored.
Like the tired rantings of the feeble minded.
I wonder if you hear anything I say.
I'm hardly around, figured you'd pay attention today.
Are the signs really that convoluted?
Even if they were diluted they'd stay polluted.
I'm grasping on so tight, while everything slips away.
You can take my heart but never my tongue.
Everything is wrong. Everything is right?
Will the turmoil put me to sleep tonight?
So look at me, still waiting around.
While this fortress I've built is falling down.
Look at me so patient, so preen.
The ambivalence makes me want to scream.
I don't want to hear you love me.
Not your silent darling,
Still waiting for a symptom.
I heard you clearly.
It permeates in my mind.
It's a cruel joke to think you can change time.
Where is this going?
Thought I knew once but I don't anymore.
I hope you find what you're looking for.

One Writer's Quarrel

2009-01-15T20:36:00.005-05:00

You are what you eat.
You are what you speak.
You are who you surround yourself with.
You can be whatever you set your mind to (that is socially and regionally acceptable).
You are mediocre/above average.
You are special to a few people in this world.
You are funny (sometimes).
You are loved.
You are hated.
You are only as good as what you accomplish.
You will never amount to anything.
You will change the world.
You are an element of a society that will always view you as a cog.
You are unique.
You are the same as everyone else.
You are gullible.

What do you believe? How can you possibly think you are cosmically important when you are just a speck living in the middle of infinity? It doesn't hurt to be a little prideful and ignorant does it? I have found that in the long run good qualities can back fire and "bad" personality traits can led to a truly happy and prosperous life. There is an exception to the rule every time I try to flip flop opposite behaviors deemed morally or ethically good & bad. My mind is pounding right now. We've been around a couple thousand years or so. Over the course of documented history so much information has been presented that it's nearly impossible to process it all. I don't think anyone can truly have their mind made up ever. How can you break away from the myths, cut the BS and find a way to better understand yourself?

So be it that I've come to terms with the fact that I will never really understand why things are they way they are, but why can't I understand why I am the way I am? Note to self: Take things one step at a time. Don't jump the gun and get so lost in a mysterious world while living in a mysterious mind.

What a Sham

2008-12-29T22:01:00.006-05:00

This may come off a bit like a Sex and the City monologue, so for all you familiar readers just imagine my voice over Sarah Jessica Parkers:

Love is so wonderful, but like everything in life it changes with the seasons. In such a fast paced world how do you hold onto those raw emotional feelings in the beginning? -That period when it's all "sighs" and "i miss you"s. Sure it grows to something more substantial and deep with time and eventually leads to falling madly in love, hopefully. But along the lines somewhere something changes, with every misunderstanding, disagreement, and fight you can't help but change. Every girl imagines her future with her new beau, from where they live, how successful they are, how cute their kids would be, how they will travel the world together, etc. The moment you realize that fantasy will never become a reality your heart will never be able to fully love that person. I'm not talking about a marriage commitment, I'm talking about a possibility of anything. It's kindof like the scene in Dumb and Dumber when Lloyd ask Mary what his chances are: Mary, "Not good." Lloyd," You mean not good like one out of a hundred?" Mary, " I'd say more like one out of a million." Lloyd, "So you're telling me there's a chance!" I realize that isn't exactly the keenest example to make my point, but it's always stuck with me and it's the best way I can explain it. There comes a point when you must decide what you want in a relationship. What happens when you realize you want completely different things? Is it stupid to stay, or should you ride it out and just enjoy being young and passionate?
I've gone through alot dealing with "love" and "relationships" over the past year, likewise I've logged hundreds of hours of just trying to put everything into perspective. What I've derived is that you'll never get hurt if you expect failure, but I don't like that conclusion. Because if you protect your heart from pain, you'll also be blocking it from such a wonderful joy. I guess it's true what they say, "It's better to have loved and lost, than to have never loved at all." I guess I'm in for a whole lot of fantastic moments and equally heart wrenching pain. Despite it all, I wouldn't have it any other way.

Oh The Audacity!

2008-12-28T00:49:00.003-05:00

So I've been on a roll lately, constantly on the look out for an opportunity to just hit me in the face. I've been unusually curious about the phrase, "what if". Not to mention the never ending tick I have about just running off and really experiencing life- the kind of "life" you see fictional characters living and you just pine for the chance to have that, just once. I've been fortunate enough to have had some pretty cinema worthy moments myself and I must admit the feeling is quite addictive. I guess I am just a restless soul because I can't seem to get my fix. I've had a mind altering change of self and over the past 2 weeks it's evolved quite exquisitely. I hope I can keep it up, it'd be a shame to waste this enthusiasm. Life is just too short to not take advantage of opportune chances that arise. I can't say it's always easy to say yes to change, but it sure beats never knowing what could have been. Don't over simplify this, it's more complicated than it seems, particularly when it involves factoring in people around you that aren't as apt to this new lifestyle. It can become a dilemma very quickly. Ultimately do what makes you happy, you can't be a people pleaser or you'll die miserable and unsuccessful.

Dare to live. It's the hardest and easiest decision you'll ever make.

Polluting Thoughts

2008-11-25T01:20:00.005-05:00

Every so often my life comes to a crashing halt when I realize my life isn't at all how I intended it to be. This is not some cliché note about a petty realization that my life sucks or anything, what I mean is the direction I find myself moving in isn't where I want to go. It's incredible the change that everyday decisions can make in how your life plays out. Now, I sit anxiously in my tiny dorm room waiting for some revelation to come to me. Like somehow if I pray hard enough God's going to just give me a play by play of what I need to do. As if my "religion" can simply be turned on and off based on when I need some answers beyond the realm of my human grasp. I feel so uneasy at the notion I treat God as if he's my supernatural encyclopedia on standby. And while it's completely normal to be confused about that sort of stuff during this time of my life (or so they tell me) it still makes me feel awful for having doubt in the first place. But, I choose not to focus on that grey area of my life at this moment; Instead, I opt for a more simple approach: logic. Because nothing show's a greater leap of faith than to base my life's decisions off my extensive understanding of how the world works and why (sarcasm for those who didn't catch it).
As I age, I come to understand that the rules that everyone are meant to play by are subjective, they change and can be broken. That opens up countless opportunities in ways of navigating through those critical moments that come to define who you are and what you become. These are the same moments that you look back on and either admire or regret the rest of your life. Personally I have always chosen a more optimist approach by not regretting my decisions but rather learning from my mistakes. I've grown fond of a little saying,"The only things I've ever regretted involved food," and that's true for the most part. I hold onto the idea that it's never over or too late to fix something until you die, ultimately. And I'm still breathing so I figure I must be around for some reason.
I digress, sometimes I analyze situations with such intensity that it grows to something so much bigger than my scope. Sometimes I get so lost in my own thoughts and observations that I lose sight of what I was even trying to figure out in the first place. Have you ever studied your surroundings to find that you can no longer decipher between good and evil? -That's an incredibly scary conclusion and I wonder if thereisn’t something more to it all. And I hate that no matter how close I get to someone I can't let my guard down because, I don't know why. I don't know why I can't just be myself around people I love; there is always something more I hold back. I hate that I've never connected with anyone the way I would like. Something is always missing. Whether it's their disinterest in something that brings me joy and keep me from sharing something that is so crucial to who I am, belittling my passions, ignoring my requests, and not being able to tell when I’m hurt and letting me walk away. I long for someone who can get inside my brain. To find someone who would take the time to figure out how to make me tick. I need a challenge; I need someone to call me on my bs, someone I can sit and talk with for hours and never run out of things to say. I'm not pressed for friends who can keep me entertained, that's for sure. It's just that feeling you get when you're surrounded by people who are captivated by you, whether it's what I'm saying or maybe even just my laugh... every once in a while you find yourself in this mini-moment when you look at someone looking back at you and you know 'they really care about me'. Those moments are too far spaced apart.
Sometimes I wonder if anything can ever last forever. Everything ends, everything; so why start? - If failure or death is the only outcome. Easy, you have no choice to avoid it because everything is a freakin decision. Life would be so much easier if people put in the effort to get to know other people. I go out of my way for others, sometimes I feel it's a waste of my time though, especially when it isn't appreciated or even noticed. I beat my brains out for you people sometimes, trying to get the slightest reaction from you. I'm a tough person but that doesn't mean I don't feel, I may look perfectly fine but feel nothing on the inside. Truth is I’m uniquely dynamic... I am very sympathetic and at the same time completely ruthless towards people. Manipulative yet humble and yes that is possible. I just can't seem to find someone that understands those quirky characteristics about me and embrace it- not antagonize me. I have so much to say but no one to talk to. And as for this constant ringing in my ear of reminders that I'm not perfect from other imperfect people, you should know your words are hollow. I can't be the version of the person you think I am anymore because you'll always be disappointed because it isn't me, not fully and I can't apologize for that. I want a refreshing new perspective on life and I can't afford to be held back by the past. The only way to clear my head is to move forward.

This may seem random but it has influenced me greatly in the past week; “Here is Gone” by the Goo Goo Dolls. A close friend said it best, “There is always that song that represents a specific time in your life”. Well this is that song for the present. It’s so dead on to every thought in my head. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eahM-AtpBQI

E Pluribus Unum: The Great Debate

2008-11-24T21:16:00.000-05:00

So I have been getting questions regarding my political orientation since all of the Presidential campaigning began in 2007. Consequentially it seems, I've been defending my stance on Republican policies and its platform since then. Seeing as how the political hype has settled and post-election anxieties have dwindled some may wonder, “Why continue these pointless debates”? As a political junkie myself, I’ve come to appreciate the intellectual stimulation of a good battle of ideologies and the importance of these discussions to perfect the process of democracy. I encourage all feedback (from both sides of the aisle) because I realize in politics nothing will be accomplished if you aren’t open minded to change. To follow is a list of reasons why I support the Republican cause, keeping in mind that my opinion in this matter is greatly occupied with matters pertaining to Domestic Economic issues (I am much more moderate/left leaning on social issues):

1. I favor Limited Government as opposed to Large Government. Too much Government involvement without question makes things messy, very inefficient and expensive. I believe in the simple role of a Government -- to provide security for its citizens (police, firemen, military...) and basic public works and services i.e. public water, traffic lights, roads, electricity, mass transit ...etc.
2. I am a firm LOW TAXES prick. That goes across the board, yes even corporate taxes. I have no connection with anyone in "corporate America" or any CEOs so don't accuse me of being bias in this case. I'm poor, I am a poor ass Republican but I aspire to be rich one of these days and I want tax policies in place that won't hinder my ascension to success. Basically I think it’s utter crap to penalize a person for achieving success by taxing him/her at higher tax rates. Ergo, yay Fair Tax!
3. The concept of "transferring wealth" or as I like to call it the "Robin Hood Complex" just seems so out of place in Government... which is my point, it's just there for political gain. Who the hell has the right to tell me someone else deserves my hard earned money more than me? I am all for helping the needy but this system in place is completely skued and inefficient. I believe that's a role of the community, of your religious care groups, family, friends, and non-profit organizations; all groups there at your disposal in case you find yourself in a hard place in life. And for all you skeptics who think that's too harsh keep in mind that the Government's effectiveness in carrying out programs like Welfare are far from being anything to be proud of as far as helpfulness to the actual needy and combating fraudulent users.
4. Social Security Reform. The Republican Party is the only party addressing this problem with valid solutions to the problem. Google ‘partial privatizing social security’. It's not perfect but it's a start.
5. Affirmative Action is incredibly insulting to me as a woman. I am offended by the notion that I need a law giving me an advantage over a man, as if I'm incapable of success on my own. I don't mean to sound like a feminist but I don't need an "advantage" to prosper, I can make it on my own merits. It's not the 50s anymore and while I surely don't belittle the women’s rights movement or the Civil Rights movement for that matter (both necessary to the development of equality and tranquility in our society) the laws in place are moot and out dated for the 21st Century.
6. Domestic Security: No terrorist attacks have occurred on US soil since 9/11 thanks to such immense programs as the Bush Administration's monitoring of communications between al-Qaida operatives overseas and their agents in the US and the monitoring of the international movement of terrorist funds- both measures opposed by Democrats.
7. Need for Conservative Supreme Court Justices that will interpret the Constitution in it's 'original meaning' and by that I mean that the Justices represent a judicial philosophy based on what drafters of the Constitution had in mind in 1787; as opposed to a liberal activist judge's loose interpretation. Good example of this is President Bush's appointment of Chief Justice John Roberts and Associate Justice Sam Alito.
8. This hot topic issue of 'Universal Health Care" or a Government run Healthcare program terrifies me, especially during a period of economic turmoil and uncertainty in the Markets. A good rule of thumb though is to understand that nothing in life is free. Keep in mind every promise a politician makes you, will also cost you. You'd think it would go without saying but Universal Healthcare is NOT free Healthcare. The added cost of implementing such a program would cost tax payers across the board and add to growing deficits and an unstable and dangerous national debt.

Original Post : Wednesday, October 22, 2008 at 9:48pm Modified: Date marked below

Pay it Forward

2008-11-24T21:04:00.000-05:00

Recent events have caused me to think about what really is important in my life, what makes me happy and what the standards I measure all my decisions on are. I have concluded that it's pretty simple: I'm most happy when I am making other people happy. It's like this, I love being around my friends because it's always happy for everyone. Someone makes me laugh, then I make someone else laugh and for that moment everything in the world is perfect. There's no worrying or stressed involved in this exchange. I get such a high from it, because honestly, think about that moment when you are just laughing uncontrollably from your core -- it's as close to a state of utopia as anyone could wish to be in. Same goes for being in love, that deep down warm feeling you get all over just thinking about someone you love instantly makes you happier. So being in a loving relationship where those passionate feelings are mutually shared is pure happiness because each person is happy the other one is happy, and that makes them happy. And being in relationships like these causes everyone who's involved to try their best to make sure everyone else is happy and gets what they deserve (which is only the best). Sure there may be hard times here and there, but a true friend knows when to leave, when to let go, when to apologize, and when to stand by your side... depending on what action will make the other person happy. Even when it comes to my jobs I can see why I enjoy then so much compared to older ones because now I am interacting with people, helping them find perfect gifts to give to their favorite people in the world. It's like this never ending happiness cycle, not sure why... I just feel most accomplished when I know I’m making a difference in someone's life, big or small. Even if it’s just making someone smile, or being there to listen to someone - you would not believe how many people out there are dying to talk to someone and who just need someone to listen. My standards are basically the same (and yours should be too), life is too short to be around people who make you feel bad. I am a very forgiving person but that doesn't mean I forget bad things people have done to me. For every mean spirited word someone has spoken to me it's hindered my relationship with that person. Trust is hard to build up but the easiest thing to take away. Be careful with your words, they can pierce through someone's heart with more force and less effort than with a blade. Likewise the scar it leaves behind will always stay with that person, and regret like that can eat you up inside.
If you stay positive and try to be the best possible version of yourself to everyone you meet life will be so much more rewarding and enjoyable, not only to you but everyone around you. If you get in a slump the ultimate comeback is to focus on what makes you happy in life. Good things will follow a happy heart with nothing but good intentions. Life is good.

Original Post : Friday, June 20, 2008 at 12:27am

Overcoming Mundane Anxiety

2008-11-24T20:42:00.000-05:00

Now more than ever I feel that coming of age is so much more than merely growing older. Coming of age is not measured by any particular amount of breaths we take; it is measured perhaps by the amount of life's glories and short comings we experience. It's absolutely confounding that you can know someone your entire life yet never fully grasp the person they are. Friendships can be broken in a matter of seconds and stay that way for unbearable amounts of time because of petty arguments and meaningless emotions that can simply be reduced to a completely unfortunate series of events that reflect only our complete abandonment of logic and reason. Years of friendship and love are simply made void because of carelessness. Even worse, relationships can die before either party realizes it. Secret lies just buried under false pretenses and layered by years of negligence that get caught up in a repetitious cycle that cannot be broken- just because. It's just there. You don't speak of it for it's of a taboo nature and we cannot create controversy, God forbid. I've often wondered why we, people in general, are afraid of being alone. I know I can't be the only one. You can be in the most wonderful affair with every desire you could have ever asked for and yet in the stillness of the night fear losing it all. Why? Do the relationships we encounter define who we are? And why is the doubt even there in the first place? Are we such restless souls that we stoop to torture ourselves over trivial things that have yet to go wrong? All I can do is hope for the best and stay true to myself no matter what hardships I find myself facing in the future.
I've been brainwashed into believing that in group settings you are only as good as your weakest link, now I can't help but wonder if the same can be applied to individuals. If so, as soon as you go down that road of thought when you seek out your weakest quality it pretty much always ends badly. Once you've targeted the weakest quality or more realistically your weakest qualities you have to figure out how to fix them. And all that accomplishes is an endless cycle of new year’s resolutions that slowly begin improving, sort of, and shelves full of half read self improvement books you keeping putting off because you tell yourself you have no time, when in truth it’s because you know they don't fix the problem. I think it’s a lot easier than we make it out to be. There is only a certain amount of knowledge we can learn through reading about life, issues, and theories. You have to experience the failures, heart breaks, and losses in life to appreciate all the good stuff you find yourself blessed with throughout a lifetime. Life has an ironic way of letting you know you're still living- if that makes any sense. I guess the only way to go about it is to dive head first into the unknown and pray for mercy. All you can do if you fail is count your losses and start again.

Original Post : Saturday, August 18, 2007 at 12:46am