Introductory Guide to The District (For Interns)

I have been a resident of the Greater Washington area for 3 years now, which began with three months as an intern. Over my time as a resident and a tourist I've learned a lot about the daily grind and taboos of the city. This post is my way of passing on the knowledge of my interactions and observations learned over the past few years that are particularly relevant to incoming interns.

For continuity's sake I will start with the basics and move onto the greater complexities of how this city judges it's inhabitants:

Metro Etiquette: Stand to the right on the escalator, walk on the left. A simple enough concept that visitors quickly catch on to (especially during rush hours). This is the most important city in the free world, people have places to go and people to see! The rush may seem absurd to the leisurely visitor, but trust me: if you make someone miss their train don't expect the welcome wagon. Side note: Take notice of a person's body language before asking a question or starting up conversation. Most people prefer to be left alone to their thoughts. You don't want to embarrass yourself by getting shot down in a metro car (then sit there in the awkward aftermath until your next stop, which is probably Metro Center or Federal Triangle).

The Wardrobe: Dress to impress. First impressions are not easily forgotten! People will try to size you up by the watch, shoes, dress, or hairstyle you are rocking. No wrinkles, pleats, or sparkles need apply. This is not NYC, you won't find the masses in Louis Vutton heels and Vera Wang dresses - but that doesn't mean you shouldn't be dressed in sweatpants. A friend of mine best put this into perspective when he said, "People trust their peers, not outsiders." If you dress like a metal head, don't expect to be invited into The Madison. Dress like an entry level employee, don't expect to roll with the executives. DC is a Lilly Pulitzer, Tori Burch, Burberry kind of town - it has a very southern feel to it, so wear that and you'll fit in just fine! Personally, I recommend a little flavor. Add your personality to your wardrobe for a little POW!

Now, if you aren't into "materialistic things" and the "status quo" you are one of two types of people:
a) A hipster - in which case you dress like you work for a Che Guevara PAC or a fair trade advocacy group and spend just as much money on looking underground as you would on clothes from J Crew or Anthro. OR you give zero fucks, and your career matches your ensemble.
b) A libertarian - in which case you learn to embrace the capitalism behind the materialism OR move back home because DC just didn't understand about how right you were about the gold standard. You showed them!

My best advice: Try to avoid the 1990s Hilary-esque pant suit look and kitten heels (h/t WSWCM)
All in all, take care of yourself. If you don't respect yourself, no one else will either.

Name dropping: This is an art form that I see butchered on a daily basis, and it just so happens to be my biggest pet peeve. Name droppers suck - that's universal. If you want to drop a name be smart about it... don't come out and say it, make the people work for it. If they don't give a shit enough to ask you for more information, guess what: they don't care. Wait for another time. Rarely is anyone impressed that you were in a hearing and a Senator asked you for a tissue or you sat beside the hot new political writer in CPAC's blogger box. Name dropping is all about the art of subtlety, so for goodness sakes be subtle if you insist on name dropping in the first place!

The Happy hour buzz: It's called a happy hour, not a power hour. While the idea of free alcohol may send you running back to the bar due to the adrenaline rush, resist the urge to load up like there's a run on booze. HH's are a great resource to find and make friends in the city, but if you treat them like your personal liquor distributor it won't be long before you make a fool of yourself. I do my best to abide by the 2 drink maximum rule. You never want to be sloppy. Even if you have to nurse the same drink for an hour - you are much better off doing that than matching your companions drink-for-drink. After all, the name of the game is to come out on top: You want to walk away having more information than when you got there. Be tight lipped and just listen to what everyone else happens to spill. Before you open your mouth always ask yourself, "What do I gain from telling him/her this?" if there is nothing to gain, don't say it.

Gossip: Beware of your company. It's a small town, chances are if you're talking about someone it will get back to them. Be very careful of talking about someone in the midst of a stranger/acquaintance because chances are they know of or are friends with that person. I've been bitten in the ass with this one before - loyalty is hard to come by and takes a lot of time to cultivate. Just because they haven't met said person doesn't mean they won't in the future. Everyone talks, and I mean everyone. I'm guilty of doing this myself. If someone is stupid enough to run their mouth in front of mixed company to show off you better believe, if given the chance, those people will use it their advantage. Practice safe situational awareness.

Celebrities: Be cool, don't swoon. For political nerds, like me, running into Hilary Clinton or John Boehner probably feels like the equivalent of what a normal person my experience when encountering George Clooney or Brad Pitt. The difference between Hollywood and The District, however, is that you are an actor on the same stage. Act like an extra and that's where you will stay. Be confident and always have a backup plan as far as conversation goes as to avoid awkward small talk and lengthy pauses in conversation. Most importantly, just be a reasuring presence. People pick up on the vibes you give off.

Work Ethic: Most importantly, work hard every day. No one task is beneath you. Everyone has to sharpen their teeth by first answering phone calls, alphabetizing files and delivering coffee - Including your boss. If you can't manage to smile through the easy stuff, why would anyone trust you with an actual job.

MORE importantly, enjoy the city! Get out and have fun. Take advantage of all the free lunches, seminars, dinners, galas, happy hours... etc. Make it a priority to meet new people every day and just generally be open to new experiences. You never know who you'll run into and how he/she will change your life. All of the best opportunities I've had in this city came from a last minute decision to attend an event or party. DC is a social city - see or be seen! If you came here to make waves then you better not think you can do that from the comfort of your desk at work and home alone.


Photo h/t freefashioninternships.com

Blackberry Status

Blackberries get more love around these parts than people do.  There is a certain status attributed to having an additional "work" BB.  Just walk into any bar after work or look around your metro train and you will notice the coupling up of Master & Phone.  It's an affair many become addicted to... or perhaps accustom to.  This is the one city on Earth where checking your phone 24/7 isn't considered rude, as it's disguised under the rouse of  "highly classified and time sensitive work".  I admit I find myself slipping into this custom on the occasion, but I still find it utterly ridiculous that I see people doing this at happy hours and weekend brunch.  No one believes you are actually as busy as you may think you are.  Think about it, when's the last time you stopped to reflect on your friends or roommates self proclaimed busy day?  Now think about how often you tell other people about your busy day.

There is a lot going on in this city on any given day.  Shit is going down everywhere, and everyone is pushing it around in every which way.  It's so easy to get a fat head, but let me suggest that you don't for one simple reason: no one likes a fat head.  It's so embarrassing to be subjected to people puffing themselves up, because in my head everyone else who is listening can't wait to pull out their metaphorical pin and pop their balloon.  Truth.

The cool kids don't brag that they have Blackberries, they also don't point out that others do not.  We all get our chances and take our licks in this city for little milestones.  In all realty BB status is just your boss's way of getting more work out of you while off the clock.

Find the  person without a BB and undoubtedly they'll overcompensate by bragging about their iPhone and how ancient the BB is in the digital space. Remember: your cell phone says a lot about you.  Kind of like when someone goes off on a rant about the iPhone and after 2 seconds of trying to figuring out why it hits you - droid owner.  Ugh the Droid, it's like the redheaded step child of the mobile world. (Written by a redhead and published on the internet so obviously it carries weight.) Constantly striving to prove it's superiority, all the while being mocked by the competition. Gingers have souls!

In conclusion, my DC lovers, keep your heads up. Whether you are with BB or without this is a magical city full of opportunities. My advice either way, rock your mobile. Let no device out stage your confidence! In fact, if you have a Razor in hand use it to your advantage:

Dude at bar: Oh ha, you have a Razor, how 2006 of you darling.

You: I will cut you. 

::Cue laugh track::

Notice: This may backfire, it's all about a flirty delivery and reading proper social cues. Happy hunting/networking ladies! 

Career Moves - When Is It O.K.?

Last spring, I was in an anxious rut. My job was not fulfilling, and I started wondering if I was stuck with it because it was too late for me to change career paths. I was destined for a life of cold calls - Never mind that I was 22 years old. Did my job suck? Not really, and not compared to the crap jobs all my other friends had. Still, it was mundane. Then it happened. The judicial gods of the DC Municipal Court liberated me from the agony and summoned me to 2 glorious months of Grand Jury duty. The thing you learn about “jury” is that it gives you a lot of time to reflect, and that’s what I did. Maybe I could be one of those people that loved waking up - specifically - to work!

 

During my duty of exercising justice, I started floating my resume around town. I got responses faster than I expected (let's hope this holds true post-Election Day). After it was all said and done, I decided to take a gig in New Mexico through the elections. It was awesome, Everyone looked at me like I just told them I was going to the moon or something. I was high on endorphins for a solid 2 weeks, right up until I had to board the plane ::GULP:: ..."Does Albuquerque have a wide selection of weekend boozy brunch hot spots?"

 

I could write a book on my experiences since coming to New Mexico. I have grown leaps and bounds personally and professionally since arriving in August, but the point I'm driving at is that change is a catalyst for growth. I previously worked for an outstanding organization that I strongly support and admire. But if you aren't playing the right role within your business or organization - that allows for career advancement and professional growth - I encourage you to keep an eye open for something that does. Is it what you are doing or where you are working?

 

As Washingtonians or fresh transplants, we take pride in the places we call "work". It means so much more than a title at the end of the day. It's not enough to respect the mission statement of where you work, but more important that you respect the role you play in accomplishing a small feat from within that mission statement. It's the reason I stayed at my previous job, it was a respectful job and I was accomplishing important tasks. At some point though you need to step back, take a deep breath, and ask yourself, "Could someone else do this just as well as I could?" I looked around at all my coworkers and the honest answer was, "Yeah, they probably could."

 

I didn't move to DC to become another cog in the machine. And while it may take years for me to move past "resident cog," I want to spend my time growing and doing jobs that I can do better than everyone else. New Mexico has helped add a couple more layers to my skin. I've been roughed up and spit out. But guess what? Little Miss Shy South Carolina grew into her britches. And now when people come a'swingin' I don't budge, sulk, and get mad - I just stand my ground.

 

It's one thing to be steadfast on your personal convictions; it's another to find your voice professionally. Once removed from the confines and comfort of structured bureaucracy I found myself in the Wild West - out here I'm a "carpetbagger" to many, but to some my work made all the difference. All that matters is that I make a positive difference and I continue to achieve my goals. Election Day is 24 days away and the fight continues for me. I just hope that you are as fired up for your job as I am. Now I wake up every morning and can't wait to get to work.

 

No matter what this saying always holds true, "The adventure you're looking for is the one you get." Don't close yourself off to change. Sometimes the best opportunities come in the strangest packages. It's not too much to go after the career you've always wanted. You define your professional circumstances - not anyone or anything else. Don't let anyone convince you otherwise. Go forth and kick ass.

 

 

The Relationship Filibuster

The Cherry Blossoms are out, it is Springtime once again in the District of Columbia. I am proud to announce it's my one year anniversary with the city - our relationship is still going strong. We've made it through unemployment, crazy landlords, a break up, the dating scene, 3 moves (yes 3 different addresses), training a puppy, interoffice drama, family weddings, and the holidays. The last year in retrospect has completely flipped my world upside down and for the better. This little South Carolinian is now a resident of (what I refer to as) the capital of the world and I'm loving every minute of it.

Now it's no surprise that in my world of twenty somethings the topic of men monopolize the conversation. This post is dedicated to the women of DC trying to find love, keep love, and make it last.

The following are conversations I've overheard within the past 2 months in the city limits:

Shacking Up
Girl #1, "My boyfriend just said we should move in together because his lease is up next month". Girl #2, "Dude, you just got proposed to... over gchat".

The Lame Duck
Girl #1, "Ugh he's so annoying, but he did just helped me move so I'm in for at least 3 more disappointing sex sessions". Girl #2, "Don't sell yourself short - go for the premature bj then bail".

The Perfect Political Union
Girl # 1, "So he finally proposed just the way she instructed him to". Girl #2, "Yea, he's gay".

One Way Commute
Guy #1, "I'd do anything for sex right now". Guy #2, "Would you go to NoVa"? Guy #1, "Fuck that dude, I don't like girls that much".

Ol' Reliable
Girl to a girl friend, "She's like a Camry, a lot of in-town miles".

Cyber Sex
Guy to a male friend, "You should use OK Cupid because it's like eHarmony with no commitment".

The Magic Number
Guy to male friend, "I'm done with feeling like if I'm not married by the time I'm 26 I'm a failure".

The Great Divide 
Girl to younger girl, "You wouldn't understand because you're 22, but when you're our age [early 30s] the statue of limitation is 3 months. Then you know whether or not you're getting married". Boyfriend of younger girl, "Can we say 6 months"?

Just remind yourself, it could always be worse. Laugh at all the ridiculous moments - it's funny not frightening. Learn from your mistake, brush yourself off and get right back out into the fight. The men are plentiful, just be intuitive to what they are searching for as well. No one wants to be the flavor of the month only to be the last to realize it as he kicks you to the curb. Watch out for the clingers, the piggy-backers, and the scumbags. Yea that's about it...

Seriously, think about it: the dates with politicos downtown, the nights with the perfect tourist in Georgetown, the sex that makes your toes curl - these are the stories that make up your year, the stories that drive your happy hour and the ones that cause you and your roommates to break out into spontaneous dancing and laughter like you just won the lotto. Embrace it, don't fight it, let go lady! So he hasn't asked you out yet, so he hasn't proposed yet, so you haven't met him yet - don't sweat it! If you worry about the technicalities you miss all the little things that make up the big picture. Take each day in one at a time.

As soon as you start to worry about your timeline for being married and having babies you put yourself at a disadvantage. After all, what man will want to a date a crazy woman obsessed with walking down the aisle? I don't care if you're 18 or 38 - enjoy your life and you will naturally attract the right kind of people into your life. I know we are a city full of control freaks, so excuse the partisan rhetoric, but over regulation of your love life can lead to relationship deficits.

It's true, relationships take a back seat to work around here. Don't confuse your man's work ethic with avoiding your relationship. It's easy to place the blame on everyone else, meanwhile you are running your mouth and analyzing everything from his eating habits to his friends. Talk, talk, talk... who's filibustering who? Yield the floor dummy.

Do I Have An Expiration Date?

It's easy to become consumed with your work in this town; After all, it is the cultural norm. Inevitably though, once we finally slow down and have time to think about ourselves we have a slight inclination to panic about the status of our personal lives. I don't care if you are legitimately single or in a four year long committed relationship, we can't help but panic. It's a biological question of the utmost urgency, "Will I find someone to grow old with or am I going to be alone?" We take a gamble with every relationship we enter into, with every day we stay single, and with every person we turn down at the bar.

From my experience speaking with other DC ladies we have a difficult time feeling satisfied and because of that "something better will come along" complex there is no rush to commit... in fact I've noticed it's the opposite. Woman are testing the water with many different guys and pushing anyone away who gives off a monogamous vibe. By that I mean, these poor nice guys are getting the boot for being viewed as wife hunting. Chivalry goes a long way, but I can't tell you how many times I've heard the phrase, "He's just too nice. I'm not attracted to that". It's no surprise to me that this city is filled with two different groups of women as a result: the 28 and under crowd with nothing to lose, and the 28 and over crowd looking to partner up after a decade of dating around.

There's that question of timing. How long is it acceptable to be single? Why does 28 seem to be the arbitrary deadline we give ourselves to be married or at least in a relationship with the man we hope to be our husband? Is there an expiration date on how attractive a candidate we are to men? When do we start worrying about fighting for attention with the next influx of younger, peppy women to the city?

The dynamic is really funny to me, because I've had to sit and console crying girlfriends in their early twenties and reassure them that they won't be alone forever after a fling with a douche bag blows up. All the while, they complain the instant some nice guy they've been seeing inquires about calling her his girlfriend. It's an interesting game we play and it's bound to come full circle sooner or later. We all have the hot streak 21-27, the freak out at 28, then the scramble after that. Before we know it, we'll be married in our thirties and ready to attack the 20 year old bimbo flirting with our husband (even though we did the same thing in our hay day).

Call it a right of passage, but we should do a better job at internalizing these flaws in judgement. Instead of giving that nice guy the run around and only using him for free dinners on the week between pay checks, perhaps you should be honest about your intentions. Who knows maybe you'll leave the window open for a future relationship with him when you really want it to count and he starts to look like everything you want. No one wants to be in a position when you find yourself wondering what could have been. Don't burn bridges and run around playing with men's hearts. Guy code is strong in this city and they do talk about you. Your reputation will follow you to work and down the aisle. Don't forget that. No respectable businessman or politician will associate himself with a woman with a sketchy past.

On the other hand, we are foolish to think the men of this town aren't aware of the intricacies surrounding our dating preferences. It's no wonder there are so many jerks out there, they adapted to the atmosphere we created. It's a simple story of supply and demand. Don't hate the player, hate the game.

We operate in a city where appearances are everything. Every day is an opportunity to define the future we all came here to secure. The only person that can hinder your success is you. Make no mistake there is no separation between our careers and our personal lives. Be smart. We don't have an expiration date, but we can spoil.

Pretty In Politics: A Blog About Our Special Interests

I spent the weekend searching the interwebs for any sign of a local DC blogger that wrote with a yopro female audience in mind... I found none. I did find plenty of juicy sites left abandon in the graveyards of the Blogosphere - what a shame! I guess it's to be expected, the savvy single girl in this city is bound to get snatched up sooner or later. Since there seems to be a void I will do my best to continue the dialog into 2012.

With my roommates and gal pals as wing-women the material I can turn out in a week should be enough to write a short novel. I'm not kidding myself, none of this is possible without their inspiration... and of course the occasional gaffes that fall into my lap from a handful of Washington's best and brightest.

The week ahead should yield plenty of witty bar banter, men trouble and campaign rhetoric. See you on the other side of the New Hampshire primary!

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                              

Dating Purgatory

I know many friends who would consider themselves in "dating purgatory": A place or state of suffering inhibited by the souls of women who are expiating their past relationship failures by overcompensating in their current role as lady friend in the hopes of going on to a recognizable and more socially accepted relationship. For some this could be as simple as an agreement to become girlfriend-boyfriend, being 'Facebook Official', or for the long term-ers a ring (preferably on her left hand's ring finger).

If you are in dating purgatory no doubt you've asked yourself all of these questions: Are we friends with benefits? Is he seeing anyone else? Does he really like me? How do I introduce him in social situations? Is he purposefully avoiding DTR? Am I avoiding it? Is this a game? How do I bring it up to him? Should I bring it up to him? Am I over thinking this? ...Yes.

Are you single and anxious? Trying desperately to find a man or define a relationship you are already in? One piece of advice: Don't be stupid. I know I'm not surrounded by stupid girls, but the consensus out there leads me to believe otherwise. There happens to be a science behind this and it's super easy, allow me to elaborate: If a man wants you in his life he'll do everything possible to get / keep you there. Don't play games, just be genuine. If someone is really into you they'll tend to mirror your demeanor. So before you go analyzing their every move, you should be aware of the signals you are emitting first. If there is no connection, he will bail. If you scare him, he will run away from you. If you come on too strong, he'll assume you are desperate and will use that to his advantage. Never throw yourself on anyone! If you don't respect yourself he never will. Most importantly don't force a relationship because you think it's convenient, or because you'd rather be dating someone than be single.

Not too long ago I spoke with an older woman in her 80's. She was curious about my job, boyfriend, future - all that jazz. She gave me the best advice about relationships I had ever heard. She asked me if I was going to settle down and get married since I had graduated from college and been together with the same guy for years. I laughed it off and said something to the affect of wanting to wait a couple more years before I go down that road. She delivered the most perfect comeback that I will never forget until the day I die, "You need to shit or get off the pot". She knocked the wind out of me and all I could muster up in a blushed tone was, "What"? "You need to shit or get off the pot. What are you waiting for"? Out of this entire exchange I still can't remember what I said, but I do know what I took away from that conversation: You can't be afraid to cut your losses and you can't be afraid to dive in head first. I will not live my life sitting on the crapper.

Point being: If you like someone tell them, if it blows up in your face then it wasn't meant to be. There are 7 billion people on this planet - to think you're destine to be alone is by far the silliest thought imaginable. Too often do I hear fantastic women cutting themselves down, it perplexes me! I don't care how hot, smart, successful, or rich some guy is because you have just as much to offer in a partnership. If you lose that balance, if you put him or yourself on a higher platform your relationship is destine to fail.

So now ask yourself: Is this guy a good fit for me? Does he respect me? Do I respect him? Is it always fun when we're together? If the answer is yes, then just be honest in moving forward. If you answer no to any of the questions above (or if you're unsure) I'd advice you to get off the pot. Time is something you can't get back.

Happy hunting ladies!