Isn't It Ironic

I like to think I'm a trusting person, but I get played and end up a skeptic. I thought I was a loving person, but when it counts I can't allow myself to love. I love to give to others, but I'm hesitant to receive because I don't want people to think I'm using them. I am a realist, a realist that always holds onto hope for unrealistic possibilities. I try so hard to guard myself from being hurt, but I always end up completely vulnerable on purpose. I think I know what I want in life, but my life never turns out how I plan and surprisingly enough it's exactly what I want. I like to think I drive at a decent pace, but I constantly find myself angrily stuck behind a slow truck covered in Nascar memorabilia. It takes me an eternity to finish eating fast food. I admire the works and philosophy of Nicoli Machiavelli but I despise the people who live their lives in accordance to it. I say I want things I don't want at all. 'Happiness dwells in the soul' and I can't grasp the concept of a soul. I believe the same promises made by the same people who broke them the first time around, and am surprised when the same thing happens to me over and over again. I am terrified of danger, which is exactly why I seek it out. I believe in the power of thought (mind over matter) and over the last 10 years I've believed in the overwhelming precence of irony... self fulfilling prophecy much? I'm intrensically no good, but atleast I'm honest about it. Holding onto something only causes you to lose it all. I have never been able to avoid anything. Forever is always shorter than you think.