Dating Purgatory

I know many friends who would consider themselves in "dating purgatory": A place or state of suffering inhibited by the souls of women who are expiating their past relationship failures by overcompensating in their current role as lady friend in the hopes of going on to a recognizable and more socially accepted relationship. For some this could be as simple as an agreement to become girlfriend-boyfriend, being 'Facebook Official', or for the long term-ers a ring (preferably on her left hand's ring finger).

If you are in dating purgatory no doubt you've asked yourself all of these questions: Are we friends with benefits? Is he seeing anyone else? Does he really like me? How do I introduce him in social situations? Is he purposefully avoiding DTR? Am I avoiding it? Is this a game? How do I bring it up to him? Should I bring it up to him? Am I over thinking this? ...Yes.

Are you single and anxious? Trying desperately to find a man or define a relationship you are already in? One piece of advice: Don't be stupid. I know I'm not surrounded by stupid girls, but the consensus out there leads me to believe otherwise. There happens to be a science behind this and it's super easy, allow me to elaborate: If a man wants you in his life he'll do everything possible to get / keep you there. Don't play games, just be genuine. If someone is really into you they'll tend to mirror your demeanor. So before you go analyzing their every move, you should be aware of the signals you are emitting first. If there is no connection, he will bail. If you scare him, he will run away from you. If you come on too strong, he'll assume you are desperate and will use that to his advantage. Never throw yourself on anyone! If you don't respect yourself he never will. Most importantly don't force a relationship because you think it's convenient, or because you'd rather be dating someone than be single.

Not too long ago I spoke with an older woman in her 80's. She was curious about my job, boyfriend, future - all that jazz. She gave me the best advice about relationships I had ever heard. She asked me if I was going to settle down and get married since I had graduated from college and been together with the same guy for years. I laughed it off and said something to the affect of wanting to wait a couple more years before I go down that road. She delivered the most perfect comeback that I will never forget until the day I die, "You need to shit or get off the pot". She knocked the wind out of me and all I could muster up in a blushed tone was, "What"? "You need to shit or get off the pot. What are you waiting for"? Out of this entire exchange I still can't remember what I said, but I do know what I took away from that conversation: You can't be afraid to cut your losses and you can't be afraid to dive in head first. I will not live my life sitting on the crapper.

Point being: If you like someone tell them, if it blows up in your face then it wasn't meant to be. There are 7 billion people on this planet - to think you're destine to be alone is by far the silliest thought imaginable. Too often do I hear fantastic women cutting themselves down, it perplexes me! I don't care how hot, smart, successful, or rich some guy is because you have just as much to offer in a partnership. If you lose that balance, if you put him or yourself on a higher platform your relationship is destine to fail.

So now ask yourself: Is this guy a good fit for me? Does he respect me? Do I respect him? Is it always fun when we're together? If the answer is yes, then just be honest in moving forward. If you answer no to any of the questions above (or if you're unsure) I'd advice you to get off the pot. Time is something you can't get back.

Happy hunting ladies!

Good Food and Good Sex

It would seem that it's near impossible to find common ground between married life and single life. As a single life aficionado that aspires one day to settle down I feel like it's my duty to bridge the gap between these two feuding factions the modern woman grapples with. Does it not seem like you have to pick sides? 


If you're single you mock your married counterparts as quitters. Likewise, if you're married you shake your head in a disapproving manor as if the debauchery of promiscuity overwhelms your senses. Pretty sure these extremes are both ridiculous and stupid so let's not let our womanly hormones and high tempers run the show.


For the record this posting was completely inspired by this lady's article in the National Review: Suzanne Venkor "Why Marriage Eludes the Modern Woman". I admit I enjoyed the article until about 3 paragraphs in when I felt the sharp dagger of judgement slash through me:

Simply put, married life presupposes a maturity modern women don’t have.

Hold the presses! My first thought was to yell out, "Whatevs I could totes could be married right now if I wanted to"! But you know what, I'm not for a multitude of reasons and none of which have anything to do with anyone other than me so Ms. Venkor has a point - but her conclusion is a half truth. Simply put - I'm astutely aware of the maturity involved in deciding to spend the rest of your life with one person. I also know myself well enough to conclude I'm not ready for that kind of commitment. I don't think that warrants a label quite so harsh. Ah but she goes on to say:

We’ve been hearing a lot lately about young men who fail to grow up and become 

good family men, but video games are not the culprit — women are. Men tend to 

follow women’s lead — and it is women, not men, who fight Mother Nature.

Classic - now I'm a disgrace to the natural order of things. It get's better:

Indeed, feminists assure women they can’t possibly be happily married until men 

change who they are or adapt their nature to accommodate the needs of women.

The needs of women? How exactly would you describe the difference between what's in a man's nature that I would change to be happily married?

“There are two ingredients to a healthy marriage: good food and good sex.”

She makes a point, I despise both.

Naturally, this philosophy will raise the ire of the most strident modern 

woman who’s been taught to believe that cooking for a husband or 

saying yes to sex amounts to indentured servitude.

I'll let Britney take this one.

They refuse to even accept that men have a greater sex drive than 

women. In failing to understand the differences between men and 

women,women have sabotaged their own happiness. 

I feel like that's a battle all couples should take out in the bedroom - guarantee there's a happy ending.  

As for the men, they aren’t so much choosing to be 

immature as they are doing what they’re told. Tell a 

man he’s dispensable, and he’ll quickly prove you right.

So let me get this straight - while the modern woman is immature and fighting natural inclinations at her own choosing her male counterparts are just helpless by design and along for the ride? I smell a fish. 

Personally, this article gives the impression that men are all stupid and modern woman are all power hungry bitches. I have a bit more faith in the dating pool than that. And since when did modern become a substitute for single like it's an alternative lifestyle? "Are you married?" "No, I'm mod." 

Marriage is a serious decision that should be respected and honored. It's a full time job. However, it's appalling that by making the choice to wait you get branded as unnatural and immature as opposed to - oh I don't know - responsible or reasonable? Not all feminists are out to "sabotage" the institution of marriage. Maybe some of us want to go into a life long union debt free, educated, experienced, financially stable, and yes mature. It's kind of hard to work on being a better you if your responsibilities now include an extra head. And let's not forget you can't use a cookie cutter formula to diagnosis a segment of the population you see as "different" de facto "unnatural". That my friends is a road to no where. 

So let's move forward with mutual respect and admiration for one another's gift of choice in the matter. Freedom is a beautiful thing! And I think it's safe to assume that it's okay to pursue a healthy mod lifestyle especially since the last time I checked you do not need a government issued license to enjoy good food or good sex. Meh technicalities. You can't fight Mother Nature. 

Honey Badger

Politics is personal. Sure it's business, but it's an extension of yourself. Little Miss Optimist over here has had a 'coming of age' experience in the past *err* week. Now it's not as if I wasn't aware of my surroundings, I was more ignorant by choice. Cue Honey Badger:  That's me y'all...

Well ladies and gentlemen, we are not in Kansas anymore. I'm actually not sure how to write what's to follow without this coming off wrong. So I'm going to let the drinks do all the talking from here. I have always played fair, always waited my turn in line, respected my elders, and been an honest voice in a dishonest world. I have absolutely no regrets, I have made the safe choices my entire life. Some of you may read that and laugh, but trust me I have always been conservative and I am not a risk adverse person. I love a good challenge and finally I have an opportunity to run with it. 

I am twenty two years young with no obligations other than rent and student loans. I am unattached, have no commitments, and it's really hard not to smile after typing that - Actually, it's impossible. I'm quite ridiculous actually because every week I come up with a new brilliant plan of attack for what I'm going to do the rest of my life. It's hard to choose, don't judge - just go with it. If I had my way, I'd live forever so I could do everything I ever wanted to do ('cause that's how long I'm going to need). By a miracle chance if I'm a lucky SOB that makes it to 100 I'd still want more. I was telling my friend Joe today, "I'm an instant gratification kind of girl," I hate waiting and I want it all. What can I say I'm a Republican? JK... not really. 

People are too apologetic these days. Why they act like their actions surprise them is beyond me. I don't believe them and I can't take them seriously. Every move is absolutely intentional - anyone who tells you differently is lying to you. When's the last time you did something without thinking it through? Touching fire will burn you and saying yes to every 'I love you' you get will leave you a cynic. Be smart people.  

Lately I've been accused of being heartless - which only makes me more smug - Thank you for giving me the satisfaction of that lovies. I talk a lot of smack, sure, but I'm the honey badger - I don't care. If being the rational one fills my veins with ice cold blood shhhietttt. Haters gonna hate. The way I see it, people need you in your life a) To love or b) To hate. Either way they need me around and I can't disappoint my public! 

I don't play games, my time is money. I fight for what I want until I get it. I don't shy away. I don't mislead. And I absolutely don't tolerate bull shit. I am the honey badger.