Blackberry Status

Blackberries get more love around these parts than people do.  There is a certain status attributed to having an additional "work" BB.  Just walk into any bar after work or look around your metro train and you will notice the coupling up of Master & Phone.  It's an affair many become addicted to... or perhaps accustom to.  This is the one city on Earth where checking your phone 24/7 isn't considered rude, as it's disguised under the rouse of  "highly classified and time sensitive work".  I admit I find myself slipping into this custom on the occasion, but I still find it utterly ridiculous that I see people doing this at happy hours and weekend brunch.  No one believes you are actually as busy as you may think you are.  Think about it, when's the last time you stopped to reflect on your friends or roommates self proclaimed busy day?  Now think about how often you tell other people about your busy day.

There is a lot going on in this city on any given day.  Shit is going down everywhere, and everyone is pushing it around in every which way.  It's so easy to get a fat head, but let me suggest that you don't for one simple reason: no one likes a fat head.  It's so embarrassing to be subjected to people puffing themselves up, because in my head everyone else who is listening can't wait to pull out their metaphorical pin and pop their balloon.  Truth.

The cool kids don't brag that they have Blackberries, they also don't point out that others do not.  We all get our chances and take our licks in this city for little milestones.  In all realty BB status is just your boss's way of getting more work out of you while off the clock.

Find the  person without a BB and undoubtedly they'll overcompensate by bragging about their iPhone and how ancient the BB is in the digital space. Remember: your cell phone says a lot about you.  Kind of like when someone goes off on a rant about the iPhone and after 2 seconds of trying to figuring out why it hits you - droid owner.  Ugh the Droid, it's like the redheaded step child of the mobile world. (Written by a redhead and published on the internet so obviously it carries weight.) Constantly striving to prove it's superiority, all the while being mocked by the competition. Gingers have souls!

In conclusion, my DC lovers, keep your heads up. Whether you are with BB or without this is a magical city full of opportunities. My advice either way, rock your mobile. Let no device out stage your confidence! In fact, if you have a Razor in hand use it to your advantage:

Dude at bar: Oh ha, you have a Razor, how 2006 of you darling.

You: I will cut you. 

::Cue laugh track::

Notice: This may backfire, it's all about a flirty delivery and reading proper social cues. Happy hunting/networking ladies! 

The Single Girl's Manifesto

It's fantastic to be a woman.We are young, fabulous, and the world is our oyster! But, all too often we feel the sting of being under cultural fire. Every once in a while it's inevitable -"You're such a nice girl why aren't you married?", "Oh are you still seeing that guy, do I hear wedding bells in your future?". We are blessed with the opportunity to choose a career over a man, travel the world instead of toting kids around town, buy designer labels instead of organic baby formula, and yet we are lead to believe (from a surprising majority) that we aren't choosing an ideal life? Not to sound like a man or anything but, why rush into that funeral? I have this one life, the way I see it, I'm gonna have as much fun as humanly possible.

Now I'm from small town America, but I've had my share of experience with larger subcultures across the US and it baffles me at the amount of women that give up their right to own themselves for even just the brief period in their late teens and twenties. You all know who I'm talking about, that girl you knew in high school that got knocked up senior semester or the Summer after graduation, the one we all whispered about and had moments of silence in coffee shops- where we paid homage to her memory - because we all know the birth is all but a 18 year long hibernation of the individual that was the vessel carrying that miracle. Or the ladies who made it to college (and didn't drop out), the ones after their MRS degree in Domestic Economics. The ones who dropped off the face of the planet and we can only distinguish from their unmistakable (and often painful) statuses about how the joys of motherhood and  marriage happen to be their greatest accomplishment. [Disclaimer: those are not my own words, took them directly from my Facebook news feed]

Now, I'm not dogging on the young mothers of the world, I think it's very important to have a strong coalition of support in every community for young mothers to help create an atmosphere for growth and prosperity for both mother and child. I am however, calling out those young mothers who advertise the glorious life as a housewife. Stop being so aggressive about defending your situation in life when it's unsolicited, it's quite annoying. No one is interested in seeing the daily developments in your child's growth cycle, or reading about each new diaper rash and doctor's appointment. Are people with kids capable of facebooking about anything else? Somehow we've managed to go from a generation of self obsessed narcissists tweeting about how awesome our afternoon coffee break was, to mothers who tweet about how awesome our baby's boogers are - I'm appalled. As much as it pains me to say this, I miss the time when I could log onto facebook to scoff at the ass hole that who found it necessary to announce it was their nap time. No, now I get the joy of reading about how some people don't deserve to have children because they are "too self centered" and "selfish" - disregard the fact that I find it hilarious how I'm being preach to by accidental teen mothers about being allowed to have children. The real worry here is this notion that they no longer have an identity outside of being mom and wife/baby-momma/fiancée. WTF!? They can't want any longer? I think Betty Friedan is rolling over in her grave.

There is a faux romanticism surrounding this idea of marital bliss and childrearing that is super alarming in our teen girl culture these days. Close your legs or buy a pack of condoms you silly girls, because you can't carry around a baby carriage and think it's a fashion statement. Playing dress up with a real baby is so much different than playing dress up with your American Girl Doll. The best example you can set for your little sisters, friends, sons, and daughters is that respecting yourself above all else will give you the confidence to carry out your life goals and allow you to feel truly satisfied with life without compromising and giving up your identity. That means, finding a good balance between providing care for your kids and taking care of yourself.

I think it's important that we remember the simple fact that we are not defined by who we sleep with, repeat that again with me. We are the make up of our desires, our thoughts, and actions, but we are not defined by anyone else. Our professional achievements speak just as loud about our contributions to society as our biological achievements do, and even more about our self control.

This one's goes out to a special breed of women: The independent ladies that are winning in the professional arenas of their industry, dominating the market place, driving consumer development into new technologies, changing politics in their communities and the global scene, and all the women that pay their own bills, buy their own clothes, and rock the power suit one day and Lily Pulitzer with pearls the next.

Cheers to those biannual 'reinventions', the all nighters that end with the start of a 9 hour work day, top shelf liquor, exclusive events, jet setting across the globe, and a ready supply of Alka-Seltzer and Adderall! Your twenties are for making memories, mistakes, and money. Get to it!

Facebook Fopaux

Recently I have stumbled upon a few statuses that have caught my eye in an unusual manner. We've all been victims of the repetitively dull facebook updates and taken note of the most common offenders. The following statuses, however, truly deserve applaud:

Double Standard Much?

I was taken aback by yesterday's blunderous display as President Obama and Justice Roberts administered the oath of office. My initial reaction was "Aww poor guy, biggest moment of his career, botched!" Then of course as I had more time to ponder this mishap and giggled at the sentiment that he could memorize a 20 minute speech yet over look the 20 second Presidential Oath (that he only needed to repeat). As the day progressed and more political pundants and analysts offered their take on the days activities, I was surprised to notice the silence surrounding the swearing in of our new President. Destitute of the juicy political retribution from the last 8 years watching clips of President Bush misspeak I waited patiently for the late night TV hosts to deliver my much anticipated dose of comic relief. Still, nothing. I mean given the media's intense obsession with making former President W. Bush look as stupid as possible for kicks and giggles I figure the same fair and equal treatment would be levied upon Obama... oh wait did I just say I assumed the media would be equal opportunists? Haha silly me, us Republicans never learn.

Is this seriously not worthy of 'The Daily Show'? Give me a break. - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hKsL-j7-9No