Blackberry Status

Blackberries get more love around these parts than people do.  There is a certain status attributed to having an additional "work" BB.  Just walk into any bar after work or look around your metro train and you will notice the coupling up of Master & Phone.  It's an affair many become addicted to... or perhaps accustom to.  This is the one city on Earth where checking your phone 24/7 isn't considered rude, as it's disguised under the rouse of  "highly classified and time sensitive work".  I admit I find myself slipping into this custom on the occasion, but I still find it utterly ridiculous that I see people doing this at happy hours and weekend brunch.  No one believes you are actually as busy as you may think you are.  Think about it, when's the last time you stopped to reflect on your friends or roommates self proclaimed busy day?  Now think about how often you tell other people about your busy day.

There is a lot going on in this city on any given day.  Shit is going down everywhere, and everyone is pushing it around in every which way.  It's so easy to get a fat head, but let me suggest that you don't for one simple reason: no one likes a fat head.  It's so embarrassing to be subjected to people puffing themselves up, because in my head everyone else who is listening can't wait to pull out their metaphorical pin and pop their balloon.  Truth.

The cool kids don't brag that they have Blackberries, they also don't point out that others do not.  We all get our chances and take our licks in this city for little milestones.  In all realty BB status is just your boss's way of getting more work out of you while off the clock.

Find the  person without a BB and undoubtedly they'll overcompensate by bragging about their iPhone and how ancient the BB is in the digital space. Remember: your cell phone says a lot about you.  Kind of like when someone goes off on a rant about the iPhone and after 2 seconds of trying to figuring out why it hits you - droid owner.  Ugh the Droid, it's like the redheaded step child of the mobile world. (Written by a redhead and published on the internet so obviously it carries weight.) Constantly striving to prove it's superiority, all the while being mocked by the competition. Gingers have souls!

In conclusion, my DC lovers, keep your heads up. Whether you are with BB or without this is a magical city full of opportunities. My advice either way, rock your mobile. Let no device out stage your confidence! In fact, if you have a Razor in hand use it to your advantage:

Dude at bar: Oh ha, you have a Razor, how 2006 of you darling.

You: I will cut you. 

::Cue laugh track::

Notice: This may backfire, it's all about a flirty delivery and reading proper social cues. Happy hunting/networking ladies! 

When You Know, You Just Know.

Don't ignore the tickle in the back of your throat, the stomach knots, and the flash of fear pulsing through your nerve endings. They tell you all you need to know before you spend the your entire night tossing and turning for an answer. There's a science to this - I'm convinced. Science just hasn't been able to explain how yet.

Just humor me for a second - when has that 6th sense ever failed you? It's never failed me. Sometimes I think it does. Sometimes I think I've made the wrong decision, but time always reassures me that it was the right choice  in the end. We have a choice in life to be one of two types of people: stuck or free. That sounds really rough, and perhaps there is a less harsh way of describing that, but that's what I widdled it down to. And the hardest part about differentiating between the two is that you can't always. It's insane that even right now in my present state I may not be able to tell the difference between when something is holding me back or when I'm doing it to myself. Listen to your gut.

You know that feeling like you've been punched or you want to throw up by just imagining a scenario? There's a lot that can be said for raw emotion, but even then it's not the same as the flash of fear - like when it comes down to the buzzer. Someone once shared a picture with me of a coin being tossed into the air. The caption read:

When faced with two choices, simply toss a coin. 

It works not because it settles the question for you, 

but because in that brief moment when the coin is in the air, 

you suddenly know what you are hoping for.

It may seem simplistic but ever since I pictured that in my head that's how I make decisions. Because deep down we know how awful it would be to be stuck with the second best option. To be stuck wondering, "What could have been"? I'd rather be free to make my own mistakes than live out someone else's on my behalf. 

All nausea and heart wrenching pain aside - there's no substitute for the adrenaline, the euphoria, of following your instincts and breaking free. No more wishes. You control your own destiny... just like you control the coin toss. 

The Single Girl's Manifesto

It's fantastic to be a woman.We are young, fabulous, and the world is our oyster! But, all too often we feel the sting of being under cultural fire. Every once in a while it's inevitable -"You're such a nice girl why aren't you married?", "Oh are you still seeing that guy, do I hear wedding bells in your future?". We are blessed with the opportunity to choose a career over a man, travel the world instead of toting kids around town, buy designer labels instead of organic baby formula, and yet we are lead to believe (from a surprising majority) that we aren't choosing an ideal life? Not to sound like a man or anything but, why rush into that funeral? I have this one life, the way I see it, I'm gonna have as much fun as humanly possible.

Now I'm from small town America, but I've had my share of experience with larger subcultures across the US and it baffles me at the amount of women that give up their right to own themselves for even just the brief period in their late teens and twenties. You all know who I'm talking about, that girl you knew in high school that got knocked up senior semester or the Summer after graduation, the one we all whispered about and had moments of silence in coffee shops- where we paid homage to her memory - because we all know the birth is all but a 18 year long hibernation of the individual that was the vessel carrying that miracle. Or the ladies who made it to college (and didn't drop out), the ones after their MRS degree in Domestic Economics. The ones who dropped off the face of the planet and we can only distinguish from their unmistakable (and often painful) statuses about how the joys of motherhood and  marriage happen to be their greatest accomplishment. [Disclaimer: those are not my own words, took them directly from my Facebook news feed]

Now, I'm not dogging on the young mothers of the world, I think it's very important to have a strong coalition of support in every community for young mothers to help create an atmosphere for growth and prosperity for both mother and child. I am however, calling out those young mothers who advertise the glorious life as a housewife. Stop being so aggressive about defending your situation in life when it's unsolicited, it's quite annoying. No one is interested in seeing the daily developments in your child's growth cycle, or reading about each new diaper rash and doctor's appointment. Are people with kids capable of facebooking about anything else? Somehow we've managed to go from a generation of self obsessed narcissists tweeting about how awesome our afternoon coffee break was, to mothers who tweet about how awesome our baby's boogers are - I'm appalled. As much as it pains me to say this, I miss the time when I could log onto facebook to scoff at the ass hole that who found it necessary to announce it was their nap time. No, now I get the joy of reading about how some people don't deserve to have children because they are "too self centered" and "selfish" - disregard the fact that I find it hilarious how I'm being preach to by accidental teen mothers about being allowed to have children. The real worry here is this notion that they no longer have an identity outside of being mom and wife/baby-momma/fiancée. WTF!? They can't want any longer? I think Betty Friedan is rolling over in her grave.

There is a faux romanticism surrounding this idea of marital bliss and childrearing that is super alarming in our teen girl culture these days. Close your legs or buy a pack of condoms you silly girls, because you can't carry around a baby carriage and think it's a fashion statement. Playing dress up with a real baby is so much different than playing dress up with your American Girl Doll. The best example you can set for your little sisters, friends, sons, and daughters is that respecting yourself above all else will give you the confidence to carry out your life goals and allow you to feel truly satisfied with life without compromising and giving up your identity. That means, finding a good balance between providing care for your kids and taking care of yourself.

I think it's important that we remember the simple fact that we are not defined by who we sleep with, repeat that again with me. We are the make up of our desires, our thoughts, and actions, but we are not defined by anyone else. Our professional achievements speak just as loud about our contributions to society as our biological achievements do, and even more about our self control.

This one's goes out to a special breed of women: The independent ladies that are winning in the professional arenas of their industry, dominating the market place, driving consumer development into new technologies, changing politics in their communities and the global scene, and all the women that pay their own bills, buy their own clothes, and rock the power suit one day and Lily Pulitzer with pearls the next.

Cheers to those biannual 'reinventions', the all nighters that end with the start of a 9 hour work day, top shelf liquor, exclusive events, jet setting across the globe, and a ready supply of Alka-Seltzer and Adderall! Your twenties are for making memories, mistakes, and money. Get to it!

Impulsive Behavior

One day I got it in my head that I was going to move abroad. So, I quit my job ambitions for Washington, D.C. and booked a flight to Amsterdam in the Fall. I've temporarily changed careers: politics for film making. Why not - I'm young and have time on my side. I need a better perspective on life. I need to meet new characters with different points of view and stories I have never heard before. The chance to say I threw my hands up in the air once and let go! The strangest thing is I'm not worried in the slightest. --This coming from the girl who over thought her political career moves at the age of 17. I've strategically planned my job moves from Senator's offices and state campaigns to working for political parties and lobbying firms.

I hit a wall this Summer and I need to step back and reassess. I've learned a lot about myself over the past few years. Most importantly I learned what I gain the most happiness from: my friends and family. There has been a disconnect between what I have been working towards and what I value in life. People matter to me and there was a time when I believed politics was the best venue for me to work in to impact the most lives. I remember telling people when asked why I wanted to go into politics that, "If you can't beat 'em, join 'em". A month ago I realized something while desperately trying to make sense of my purpose here in Washington: I've been saying that line for 4 years and the obvious flaw in my logic just hit me! "If you can't beat 'em, join 'em".... it never occurred to me that I never tried to beat the system by going off in my own endeavors!!! ::facepalm::

I believe now more than ever that film, communications, and multimedia are my outlets to changing lives. I want to bridge the gap between cultural differences, show the good things in life, offer hope and solutions! There is so much I could do... and trust me my brain is moving at 100 miles a minute in thinking everything up. I guess my future is in my impulsive behavior and thank God I realized this now before I wasted any more time. :)

Polluting Thoughts

Every so often my life comes to a crashing halt when I realize my life isn't at all how I intended it to be. This is not some cliché note about a petty realization that my life sucks or anything, what I mean is the direction I find myself moving in isn't where I want to go. It's incredible the change that everyday decisions can make in how your life plays out. Now, I sit anxiously in my tiny dorm room waiting for some revelation to come to me. Like somehow if I pray hard enough God's going to just give me a play by play of what I need to do. As if my "religion" can simply be turned on and off based on when I need some answers beyond the realm of my human grasp. I feel so uneasy at the notion I treat God as if he's my supernatural encyclopedia on standby. And while it's completely normal to be confused about that sort of stuff during this time of my life (or so they tell me) it still makes me feel awful for having doubt in the first place. But, I choose not to focus on that grey area of my life at this moment; Instead, I opt for a more simple approach: logic. Because nothing show's a greater leap of faith than to base my life's decisions off my extensive understanding of how the world works and why (sarcasm for those who didn't catch it).
As I age, I come to understand that the rules that everyone are meant to play by are subjective, they change and can be broken. That opens up countless opportunities in ways of navigating through those critical moments that come to define who you are and what you become. These are the same moments that you look back on and either admire or regret the rest of your life. Personally I have always chosen a more optimist approach by not regretting my decisions but rather learning from my mistakes. I've grown fond of a little saying,"The only things I've ever regretted involved food," and that's true for the most part. I hold onto the idea that it's never over or too late to fix something until you die, ultimately. And I'm still breathing so I figure I must be around for some reason.
I digress, sometimes I analyze situations with such intensity that it grows to something so much bigger than my scope. Sometimes I get so lost in my own thoughts and observations that I lose sight of what I was even trying to figure out in the first place. Have you ever studied your surroundings to find that you can no longer decipher between good and evil? -That's an incredibly scary conclusion and I wonder if thereisn’t something more to it all. And I hate that no matter how close I get to someone I can't let my guard down because, I don't know why. I don't know why I can't just be myself around people I love; there is always something more I hold back. I hate that I've never connected with anyone the way I would like. Something is always missing. Whether it's their disinterest in something that brings me joy and keep me from sharing something that is so crucial to who I am, belittling my passions, ignoring my requests, and not being able to tell when I’m hurt and letting me walk away. I long for someone who can get inside my brain. To find someone who would take the time to figure out how to make me tick. I need a challenge; I need someone to call me on my bs, someone I can sit and talk with for hours and never run out of things to say. I'm not pressed for friends who can keep me entertained, that's for sure. It's just that feeling you get when you're surrounded by people who are captivated by you, whether it's what I'm saying or maybe even just my laugh... every once in a while you find yourself in this mini-moment when you look at someone looking back at you and you know 'they really care about me'. Those moments are too far spaced apart.
Sometimes I wonder if anything can ever last forever. Everything ends, everything; so why start? - If failure or death is the only outcome. Easy, you have no choice to avoid it because everything is a freakin decision. Life would be so much easier if people put in the effort to get to know other people. I go out of my way for others, sometimes I feel it's a waste of my time though, especially when it isn't appreciated or even noticed. I beat my brains out for you people sometimes, trying to get the slightest reaction from you. I'm a tough person but that doesn't mean I don't feel, I may look perfectly fine but feel nothing on the inside. Truth is I’m uniquely dynamic... I am very sympathetic and at the same time completely ruthless towards people. Manipulative yet humble and yes that is possible. I just can't seem to find someone that understands those quirky characteristics about me and embrace it- not antagonize me. I have so much to say but no one to talk to. And as for this constant ringing in my ear of reminders that I'm not perfect from other imperfect people, you should know your words are hollow. I can't be the version of the person you think I am anymore because you'll always be disappointed because it isn't me, not fully and I can't apologize for that. I want a refreshing new perspective on life and I can't afford to be held back by the past. The only way to clear my head is to move forward.

This may seem random but it has influenced me greatly in the past week; “Here is Gone” by the Goo Goo Dolls. A close friend said it best, “There is always that song that represents a specific time in your life”. Well this is that song for the present. It’s so dead on to every thought in my head. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eahM-AtpBQI

Pay it Forward

Recent events have caused me to think about what really is important in my life, what makes me happy and what the standards I measure all my decisions on are. I have concluded that it's pretty simple: I'm most happy when I am making other people happy. It's like this, I love being around my friends because it's always happy for everyone. Someone makes me laugh, then I make someone else laugh and for that moment everything in the world is perfect. There's no worrying or stressed involved in this exchange. I get such a high from it, because honestly, think about that moment when you are just laughing uncontrollably from your core -- it's as close to a state of utopia as anyone could wish to be in. Same goes for being in love, that deep down warm feeling you get all over just thinking about someone you love instantly makes you happier. So being in a loving relationship where those passionate feelings are mutually shared is pure happiness because each person is happy the other one is happy, and that makes them happy. And being in relationships like these causes everyone who's involved to try their best to make sure everyone else is happy and gets what they deserve (which is only the best). Sure there may be hard times here and there, but a true friend knows when to leave, when to let go, when to apologize, and when to stand by your side... depending on what action will make the other person happy. Even when it comes to my jobs I can see why I enjoy then so much compared to older ones because now I am interacting with people, helping them find perfect gifts to give to their favorite people in the world. It's like this never ending happiness cycle, not sure why... I just feel most accomplished when I know I’m making a difference in someone's life, big or small. Even if it’s just making someone smile, or being there to listen to someone - you would not believe how many people out there are dying to talk to someone and who just need someone to listen. My standards are basically the same (and yours should be too), life is too short to be around people who make you feel bad. I am a very forgiving person but that doesn't mean I forget bad things people have done to me. For every mean spirited word someone has spoken to me it's hindered my relationship with that person. Trust is hard to build up but the easiest thing to take away. Be careful with your words, they can pierce through someone's heart with more force and less effort than with a blade. Likewise the scar it leaves behind will always stay with that person, and regret like that can eat you up inside.
If you stay positive and try to be the best possible version of yourself to everyone you meet life will be so much more rewarding and enjoyable, not only to you but everyone around you. If you get in a slump the ultimate comeback is to focus on what makes you happy in life. Good things will follow a happy heart with nothing but good intentions. Life is good.

Original Post : Friday, June 20, 2008 at 12:27am

Overcoming Mundane Anxiety

Now more than ever I feel that coming of age is so much more than merely growing older. Coming of age is not measured by any particular amount of breaths we take; it is measured perhaps by the amount of life's glories and short comings we experience. It's absolutely confounding that you can know someone your entire life yet never fully grasp the person they are. Friendships can be broken in a matter of seconds and stay that way for unbearable amounts of time because of petty arguments and meaningless emotions that can simply be reduced to a completely unfortunate series of events that reflect only our complete abandonment of logic and reason. Years of friendship and love are simply made void because of carelessness. Even worse, relationships can die before either party realizes it. Secret lies just buried under false pretenses and layered by years of negligence that get caught up in a repetitious cycle that cannot be broken- just because. It's just there. You don't speak of it for it's of a taboo nature and we cannot create controversy, God forbid. I've often wondered why we, people in general, are afraid of being alone. I know I can't be the only one. You can be in the most wonderful affair with every desire you could have ever asked for and yet in the stillness of the night fear losing it all. Why? Do the relationships we encounter define who we are? And why is the doubt even there in the first place? Are we such restless souls that we stoop to torture ourselves over trivial things that have yet to go wrong? All I can do is hope for the best and stay true to myself no matter what hardships I find myself facing in the future.
I've been brainwashed into believing that in group settings you are only as good as your weakest link, now I can't help but wonder if the same can be applied to individuals. If so, as soon as you go down that road of thought when you seek out your weakest quality it pretty much always ends badly. Once you've targeted the weakest quality or more realistically your weakest qualities you have to figure out how to fix them. And all that accomplishes is an endless cycle of new year’s resolutions that slowly begin improving, sort of, and shelves full of half read self improvement books you keeping putting off because you tell yourself you have no time, when in truth it’s because you know they don't fix the problem. I think it’s a lot easier than we make it out to be. There is only a certain amount of knowledge we can learn through reading about life, issues, and theories. You have to experience the failures, heart breaks, and losses in life to appreciate all the good stuff you find yourself blessed with throughout a lifetime. Life has an ironic way of letting you know you're still living- if that makes any sense. I guess the only way to go about it is to dive head first into the unknown and pray for mercy. All you can do if you fail is count your losses and start again.

Original Post : Saturday, August 18, 2007 at 12:46am