Do I Have An Expiration Date?

It's easy to become consumed with your work in this town; After all, it is the cultural norm. Inevitably though, once we finally slow down and have time to think about ourselves we have a slight inclination to panic about the status of our personal lives. I don't care if you are legitimately single or in a four year long committed relationship, we can't help but panic. It's a biological question of the utmost urgency, "Will I find someone to grow old with or am I going to be alone?" We take a gamble with every relationship we enter into, with every day we stay single, and with every person we turn down at the bar.

From my experience speaking with other DC ladies we have a difficult time feeling satisfied and because of that "something better will come along" complex there is no rush to commit... in fact I've noticed it's the opposite. Woman are testing the water with many different guys and pushing anyone away who gives off a monogamous vibe. By that I mean, these poor nice guys are getting the boot for being viewed as wife hunting. Chivalry goes a long way, but I can't tell you how many times I've heard the phrase, "He's just too nice. I'm not attracted to that". It's no surprise to me that this city is filled with two different groups of women as a result: the 28 and under crowd with nothing to lose, and the 28 and over crowd looking to partner up after a decade of dating around.

There's that question of timing. How long is it acceptable to be single? Why does 28 seem to be the arbitrary deadline we give ourselves to be married or at least in a relationship with the man we hope to be our husband? Is there an expiration date on how attractive a candidate we are to men? When do we start worrying about fighting for attention with the next influx of younger, peppy women to the city?

The dynamic is really funny to me, because I've had to sit and console crying girlfriends in their early twenties and reassure them that they won't be alone forever after a fling with a douche bag blows up. All the while, they complain the instant some nice guy they've been seeing inquires about calling her his girlfriend. It's an interesting game we play and it's bound to come full circle sooner or later. We all have the hot streak 21-27, the freak out at 28, then the scramble after that. Before we know it, we'll be married in our thirties and ready to attack the 20 year old bimbo flirting with our husband (even though we did the same thing in our hay day).

Call it a right of passage, but we should do a better job at internalizing these flaws in judgement. Instead of giving that nice guy the run around and only using him for free dinners on the week between pay checks, perhaps you should be honest about your intentions. Who knows maybe you'll leave the window open for a future relationship with him when you really want it to count and he starts to look like everything you want. No one wants to be in a position when you find yourself wondering what could have been. Don't burn bridges and run around playing with men's hearts. Guy code is strong in this city and they do talk about you. Your reputation will follow you to work and down the aisle. Don't forget that. No respectable businessman or politician will associate himself with a woman with a sketchy past.

On the other hand, we are foolish to think the men of this town aren't aware of the intricacies surrounding our dating preferences. It's no wonder there are so many jerks out there, they adapted to the atmosphere we created. It's a simple story of supply and demand. Don't hate the player, hate the game.

We operate in a city where appearances are everything. Every day is an opportunity to define the future we all came here to secure. The only person that can hinder your success is you. Make no mistake there is no separation between our careers and our personal lives. Be smart. We don't have an expiration date, but we can spoil.

Total Irrelevancy & Snark

What's one thing we are always obsessing about? What's next? Always planning our next move, our next decision - planning for our future. It's so predictably female. I don't know about you, but my boyfriend can attest to many a drawn out fight about arbitrary points in our future that I insist we work out (now of course). I admit this can get ridiculous at points, but there certainly exists an element of truth behind the simple desire to find a solution. Because in searching for a solution I'm acknowledging that there is a problem. Captain Obvious strikes again. Seriously though, how many people do you know that won't even admit when they are on a sinking ship? I may be stubborn, but at least I'm not delusional.

I'm not trying to find the problem. I know why I act the way I do. I'm on a journey to the top. I feel claustrophobic if I'm stationed in any one place for an extended period of time. I can't stand it when people try to control me. In short, I'm predisposed to commitment problems. I may have flaws, but this isn't one of them. What I'm really getting at is the idea behind the responsibility of the individual. We all owe it to ourselves to be the best we can be. The way I see it: if I'm constantly striving for personal betterment, not only am I benefiting from my hard work - so is everyone else. Whether they can be happy enough to admit it or not.

The hardest, hardest (can't stress this enough), HARDEST part of this process is no doubt dealing with the "casualties" along the way. I'm be cheeky of course - there are no actual causalities and no one dies from the grief of not getting their way over your own. I could never quite figure out why people got so mad at me for simple decisions I've made in the past: the university I chose to attend, my choice in men, where I chose to work, my filming expedition, my political orientation, my upbringing, my disregard for unsolicited advice - Sorry, I'm not sorry. For fun-sies let's just be real and call these people "haters". The first and only step on your way to success is to ignore the haters. There is one exception to this rule: if you get an opportunity to piss off said hater - do it. 'Tis hilarious. Fuck them.

 As if life isn't challenging enough, now we have to pretend to tolerate passive aggressive bitchiness? Not this girl!

Personally, I find myself obsessing over my career, networking, grad school, and (shocker) my guy. I can't even say for certain where I'll be living or what I'll be doing this time next year. It's really exciting!.... for me. I can't speak for anyone else. It certainly creates a lot of stress for all my long distance relationships. I get it, change is scary. You don't want to "lose" someone close to you, but my goodness we live in the age of globalization! Let go. The farthest they'll be from you at any one point is the distance you are from your laptop or smart phone.

My guy lives 2 time zones away from me. Is it hard? Chea! He's en route to Colorado right now with a good friend from South Carolina to set up shop and live the life he's always dreamed of on the slopes, filming. Does he have everything figured out? Nope. Do I have everything figured out? Nope. Some times the best thing you can do for yourself is in making a bold decision and following through with it. No one can predict the future, but if there's one thing you can learn from Fred: you can't progress without change. No risk, no reward.

Ladies, planning will only get us so far. Bold steps are in order! Find a buddy to keep you on track - it's so easy to marginalize our favorite what's next plans. Don't ignore the simple solution to the problem. Where there's a will, there's a way!